(note: I do not doubt that this will get downvoted to oblivion, but I just gotta get something of my... er... uhm... chest)

So I work at a strip club. I'm a bouncer. I throw people out of the place when they misbehave (ie, touching the girls, starting fights, acting like assholes... that kinda thing). I see naked flesh all the time. It's gotten to the point to where it doesn't even faze me anymore. Tits, ass and everything in between. In all shapes and sizes, colors, forms, textures... bleh. I have never really enjoyed going to strip clubs, even before I started working at one. I haven't been laid in three years. And this is what I do to pay the rent. On the flip side, I'm there to pay attention to the men- not the women- to make sure that the boys at least try to act like presentable gentlemen (which is a sort of oxymoron, but laws are laws....).

Anyway... as numbed as I am to the sight of female flesh while working, I have found that, lately, I am more and more enamoured of looking at breasts. For the life of me, I don't know why this is, but if I so much as glimpse a fine set of hooters, I find myself all but staring, ogling... damn near drooling.

I was not breast-fed as an infant, this much is fact, as told to me by my parents. I've always been a "breast man." I gather my lack of breast feeding as a baby is the precise reason for my odd fascination for mammary glands. You'd think that, at the ripe old age of thirty, I'd have gotten a handle on this by now. Alas, no. I'm sitting here at the cafe, when I probably should be sleeping right now, and every woman that passes my field of vision is surreptitiously appraised by these old lecherous eyes, with special attention paid to sweaters, t-shirts and tank tops. My eyes travel down to the hips, the legs, back, belly, arms... but the center of focus is always the breasts.

For Pete's sake, what the hell is wrong with me? Don't I get enough of this crap at work? *sigh* Apparently not.

It'll be just my luck to, one day, wind up madly in love with a woman who is nowhere near as "blessed" in my favorite area. However, at this point, something is better than nothing.

I'd like a change of scenery, please.

Why couldn't I have turned out to be an "ass man" instead?