Haunted by a memory:

I don't go to restaurants. I fucking hate rest-o-raunts. I only go to diners. And I only go to diners that serve all-day breakfasts. Because who are they to tell me when to wake up? Who are they to tell us when we can eat? And I always order the same thing: white toast, black coffee and eggs over easy.

So I was at this diner, about four or five o'clock in the afternoon, and while I'm waiting for my breakfast, these two women sit down just behind me. One of them starts talking real loud- well, loud enough for me to hear her, anyway- and she's telling her friend about this dream she had.

She was on this bus in Mexico and it was full of all these gringos, right? Gringos! Like she knows how to speak Spanish! Anyway, she was telling her friend about how all these gringos were trying to touch her with their hands and how she couldn't get away. And then her dream changed and she was back in her apartment where all these men start coming out of the walls. And she says "men" like it's a dirty word, like we're responsible for every disappointment in her life or something. "Men."

And, by then, I just couldn't stand it anymore. So I turned around and said, "Listen, lady, if you wanna fuck me, why don't you just say so?!"


Okay, no, I didn't say that. What I really said was: "Hey! Would you just shut the fuck up?"


Okay. No. I didn't say that, either. But I would have if the waitress hadn't come to bring me my breakfast.

And you know what? They got my eggs wrong, too!

Or something like that. I can't remember it in its entirety. It's been years since I last heard it. My roommate back in Bowling Green, when I was going to college there (no, not at WKU), was in the theater department. His assignment was to memorize that monologue and he'd asked me to help him with it. Came to pass, I had it memorized and inflected better than he did and he tried his hardest to convince me to take his place during the exam, so that I could pass the test for him.


Anyway... that has been floating around in my head for almost a decade now and I can't get it out, like a broken record that goes on for years and years and years. And the worst part of it is that I have absolutely no idea where it's from. I know that it was an excerpt from a play, but I was never told which one, when it was written, who wrote it... nothing. Just the lines.

And it plagues my existence to this very day, like a mental cyst.

Help. Please. For the love of God, help me find this.