I don't know why, but I'm in an incredibly good mood right now. I mean, I haven't felt this good since I was on Prozac back in '95. I'm just all smiles and no one is here at the cafe, really, to share it with. Everyone's gone home by now (it's 4:15 AM)- maybe that's one of the reasons I'm so happy; I like it when it's quiet at the cafe. Quiet Christmas jazz is playing on the jukebox at the moment (sure to be followed next with something by, I'm sure, The Smiths- life is good, not perfect) and it's doing nothing but lending to the atmosphere of quiet that has fallen upon the cafe like a warm winter blanket.
I am in the smoking room, with half a pack of recently-bought cigarettes, sharing the ten-by-ten, stucco-walled room with a quiet, cute college-aged couple who are talking with each other while looking at the Internet via the wireless connection here. Staff bustle in and out of the room to wipe down the night's mess from the tables or to clean the Men's room. And I'm just sitting here, typing my happy little heart away, sharing it with you, my friendly noders.
Today has been a day of extremes. I woke up with sixteen cents to my name and an empty stomach. I did a website for someone last week and was expecting to get paid $100 for the trouble (it was a small gig) at the beginning of the weekend. I had actually budgeted every last dime I had in my pocket to account for the payment I should have received on Friday. Unfortunately, the client decided not to use the site. No big deal; that didn't mean I wouldn't get paid, just that my work wouldn't be used. The problem was that the client had invested most of his money in an ad campaign for one of his projects and was financially tapped until today (Monday). That meant that I would have to get to and from work with virtually no money- it costs $5 a day in gas alone for me to go to and from work.
I ate one meal a day all weekend, smoked considerably less than usual, spent a lot of time at home and pretty much stewed in my own juices until today. I was an utter grump all weekend, feeling about as depressed as I could possibly get over the situation I was in.
But tonight, after going all day without food or cigarettes and just barely making it to the cafe on an empty gas tank, I got paid. Well, only 1/4 of the money owed, but it'll be enough to hold me over until tomorrow, when I can cash a check I got today for a web design consultation gig I had earlier in the evening. Luckily I had the day off from work today, but I had to sit at the house all day again. I got some sleep (not much, due to the stress levels I was feeling) and worked an awful lot on my computer.
Which brings me to yet another reason I'm so happy right now... as previously mentioned in my December 8, 2002 daylog, I've been working on my first original 3D mesh. Today I got a lot of the stuff that's been bothering me about the mesh fixed and started working on the details. She's really beginning to "flesh out" and look like she has serious potential. I've also started working on one of the hardest elements of a 3D Trek ship: the nacelles. You may be surprised to learn that a starship's nacelles require a great deal of thought and design work. They're not just a couple of cylinders slapped onto the nacelle support pylons. The nacelles are supposed to have character, grace and fine details. They're supposed to be as unique as the overall ship itself and, in a sense, they're almost twice as complex and troublesome to create as the entire ship. After getting started on the rest of the ship's details with such positive results, I'm really looking forward to seeing what the nacelles are going to look like when I'm done with them. But... right now, they're just a couple of cylinders slapped onto the nacelle support pylons. Go fig.
Another thing that has crossed my mind tonight is that I no longer give a shit about being single. Either I've gotten so used to it by now that I've forgotten what it's like to be attached or I've become so comfortable with my own personal freedom that the prospect of a relationship seems like more trouble than it's worth. I dunno. Knowing me and my Gemini tendencies, I'll end up singing a different tune inside of 24 hours, bitching and moaning about the fact that I haven't been laid in two years. But for now, I'm diggin' it. For now: fuck relationships.
The day has been up and down, stressful and relaxed, broke and financially stable- all in one day. Tomorrow is another day and I'm not sweating it anymore. So many people have no idea how much of a relief it is to realize that no matter how bad a single day can get, the great thing about it is that it'll eventually come to an end and a whole new day is waiting to be discovered. Today I realized that. I've been saying it in a joking manner for years, but today I discovered the reality of that little truism.
Making lemonade out of lemons. That's what it's all about, baby.