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Fri Nov 8 2002 at 18:25:38 (15.7 years ago )
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Some things you feel "in your heart" to be true. You believe them so strongly that you *know* they are true. Then some things you think are true, logically. You think because they agree with the rules of logic they must be true. Logic boils down to expectation and reality. From logic you have some expectation for reality, and reality usually corroborates your logical expectations. Stipulating that sanity is when what you directly feel to be true being the same as what's logically true and insanity as feeling things that are not logically true, I am in some cases insane.

And when a discrepancy between the two shows up, its a very hard thing to decide which is right. Say, for example, that you took a butcher knife and chopped your finger off. But you didnt feel any difference. Now, at this juncture (spelling on that?), which is correct? Did your finger just get cut off and your sense of feeling is lying, or did your finger not get cut off and your sight is lying?

For me, depression alters my state of perception. I see things differently than I would normally, and differently than most other people would see them. But it isnt just a simple discrepancy that can be resolved, its what you feel, you believe is true, being different than what you think is true.

For example, I used to have a horrible time doing homework. It was easy and wouldnt take me much time if I actually did it, but it seemed to me (and I shouldnt talk in the past tense because this is very much still true) that it was a huge huge indomitable insurmountable mountain of work. More than I could handle. So getting started was always REEEEEALLLY hard, because it FELT more than it was.

It's hard to even imagine, that the way you're perceiving things is distorted. It means your whole concept of reality is flawed and wrong. And harder still to choose logic over feeling.

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