Today (aka An expose on the existence of 'god', in four paragraphs.)
(aka a frustration in four parts)
My Grandparents are back from Calgary.
My little cousin Natasha, who has Rett's Syndrome, is going on a fast downwards spiral that will lead to death. Strange, their family is the most well versed in the Bible and religious things, and yet they are one of the biggest examples of why I don't believe there is a god who is looking out for us.

All the faith in the world is not going to save my cousin, and yet everyone prays and prays and blindly believes that it is part of god's plan, that whatever is meant to happen will happen. No, no no no, if that were true than that god is a sadistic one who makes bad things happen to good people.

And yet, I would not have sisters if it weren't for this so called god, according to my mom. See, my mom was never supposed to have kids after me... something about the body changing blood types and thinking the fetus is an intruder, and the body killing it. But that blood type thing is something I learned about in biology and made me rethink my thoughts on what my mom had told me about, how all the prayers and love somehow saved my sister. See, scientifically speaking, what happed was a miracle. My mom just got better, her blood type fixed itself and recognized my sister as a friend, not foe. That doesn't happen. And yet it did, and my sisters, my two best friends, are alive because of it.

This only confuses the matter for me. "I just don't debate it anymore, because I could debate it forever, and I still wouldn't have any proof." - Donnie Darko. See I think it all has to do with the laws of the universe. Nothing it does is either good nor bad, but things just happen. My little cousin's existence has been a constant source of thinking for me, because I love her, and yet she has a life expectancy lower than my cat. And I love and hate her at the same time, for all the joy, and pain, she is causing. I wonder if we will ever meet again... together we will go punch god in the face.