Not much of a log but it's been a bad day..
I wake up this morning to another dream where I die
. They've become too frequent lately, and it scares me. I wake up and get ready for church
. I hate the smell of old people.
Afterwards, I go back home to enjoy the last day of freedom
before being locked up again for the week. I had planned to do so much this weekend, but alas, procrastination
has gotten the best of me and everything remains undone. Oh well.
Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. It's like there's two forces inside of me grasping and struggling for control. One facet of this is controlled by my constant loneliness. It tells me that I should be out enjoying the world instead of brooding over my self-pity. The other facet is controlled by, what my therapists say, is my severe social anxiety. This is normally the dominant of the two, and keeps me down. I wonder what my life would be like if...
I lost a good friend today, over a silly argument about society today. We went on for about 2 hours before he finally gave up and just walked away uttering a plethora of cusses. I then narrowly avoided a theological confrontation with someone else. Damn I'm on a roll today.
It rained again today. I like rain. It's like taking all the dirt and filth from all around you and wiping it clean. A fresh new start. Sometimes I like to think of my social ineptness as sort of a gift. It allows me to step back and see things in a different perspective. It also causes depression, loneliness, anxiety..
Well, it's almost time for a whole new week.