mmm....just another fucked up week. before i forget...god damn! i forgot! what the fuck!? I'm sure there was something important and worthwhile that i wanted to tell you...something that would open your eyes to see the world differently. Something that would change your ways. Something that would make you understand. But I forgot. Eh, not important now. We move on. Time heals. Blah blah blah. Oh why is it still there? Don't ask me. I'm drunk.

So let's see what happened this week. You know this is a good therapy of sorts. I realize why girls write in their diaries now...From a Scarface song: "I can't talk to my mom so i talk to my diary". And that's a hard-core rap too. For me i think it has something to do with the fact that i can't share my feelings with people. I still find myself having that kindergarten mintality - "What if they laugh?"...who the fuck cares my grown-up part says...but i guess im still mostly five.

Anyhow back to the week-node. Perhaps the highlight was the staff party. We shall leave it for the end. Because it happened a short hour ago, and i will go into detail leaving the rest of the week-node worthless.

Point A. I'm getting better at foosball. I think management made a big mistake when they installed it in the game room. Every time a person has a few short minutes of a break they would head there and play. I'm getting a lot better. I beat Robin twice today. Yay. Im happy and creamin my pants. He really hates my bank short. **evil laf**

Point B: i finally completed my assignment for calculus:integration. You know what? Always do your homework. I haven't been doing jack shit homework-wise for the last 5 years. My brains are gone. It takes so long. Anyhow, i'm sorta proud that i got through it. I learned some shit too. As long as we're on the topic of friends are weird. There are not there for me.. maybe i'm bullshitting? but, but..but hopefully it's just the final exam time. Look at all the whining about that in the day nodes. heh.

Point C: the Staff party. I can't say that it was a blast. I mean imagine buncha people that are 10 years your age having fun. Wtf? I mean i talk to them, i have fun with them, but it's not the same somehow. I miss my friends. Anyhow. We got this email about this staff partyt hing about 3 weeks ago. Blah blah. It was today. We got vouchers (for free cab) so we don't drink and drive. It was a 1920's theme party at performance works on granville island. Me and my coworker ordered a cab, and got there around 7. The cabbie was some weird brown dude who barely spoke english and barely could drive too. No offense man. We got there. I really felt out of place. Nothing that couple of shooters couldn't change. We had two free drinks payed for by the company too. I used them up in the first 40 minutes. I thought that i should take it slowly as not to embarass myself in front of coworkers(but really who cares). All the important people were there. I gotta add that the only two hot chicks (who are still around 10+ years older then me) were doing just that looking hot). The white one, has a boyfriend ( i knew that). The REALLY HOT asian one was thought to be alone until i heard her introduce a white guy as a her husband. Bummer!!!!! D'oh! Fuck! Not like i had a chance, but i can dream can i? I can't ?! What?! What the fuck!? You can't stop me!!! Get the fuck outta here! Anyhow that was a bummer. Anyhow it was sorta boring. The only thing i was doing is drinking. I spent 20 bucks on drinks. Plus the free drinks that i leeched of other people. I got around 10 shooters of vodka some of them straight on the rocks some of them flavored. Caesar sucks. It's too spicy. Cranberry is perfect. Perfect! I was creamin' my pants when i tried that. So i had about half a litre of vodka. Lovely. Suddenly it was the time to go home. I couldn't believe it. I was alright. Not wasted. But alright. i had 10 shots, in the span of 5 hours. That's 2 shots an hour. Argh. Hmm...back to the party. The CEO gave out some awards. I was half ok/half pissed that none of them for me. I mean i would have to go out in front of all these people to recive it. Scary. Then people were eating. I got two servings while the poeple were finishing the first one. I guess i was hungry. The guy looked at me funny. They all look at me funny. What the fuck? Then every one was learning how to swing dance. I was sitting and sippin on my cranberry vodka. One of the dudes asked me why i wasn't dancing. I explained to him that you need a woman to dance. And i broke up with my girlfriend a while ago. He sighed and explained to me that it took him a lot of time to find the right woman. I was sorta suprised at that - but of course i knew it all along. We decided to go home - it was getting late and i have to work tomorrow - event though it's saturday (my suggestion - never ever,ever deal wiht remote developers!!!). We had to wait for the cab for half an hour. Apparently it's the christmas season and 4 more corps had their parties. Whatever. I got home. Showered. Then is - now. I still can't believe i'm standing after the amount that i drank. I'm gonna hit the bed now. Work tomorrow, and 5 hours of sleep average for a week. Night. I hope you have a better life then me.

PS: I stumbled upon a def of bipolar disorder. It curiously reminds me of myself. Maybe i should see a therapist. Sigh. Everything feels wrong. Maybe it's the lack of sex? Yeah lets blame it on that. Maybe i just need to hurt someone. Or get hurt. Goodnight.

PPS: (10 minutes later)A question that i ask myself all the time: What's the point, why am i here?

PPPS: K says i sound drunk in this node. But we all know he needs more sleep. GO TO BED MAN!