PRESENTING an effective recipe for simpletons and brainiacs alike. WHOLLY NUTRICIOUS, DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE, DECIDEDLY NON-EXCREMENTAL, RAMBUNCIOUSLY ECONOMICIAL. Great for parties, weekends, drunkos, perverts, the unwashed and, most of all, the unfed. Nice when you want to make pizza but don't want to have to put up with the vagaries of yeast, a tempermental substance. New wonder recipe requires little preparation time, and includes man's most important contribution to the natural order: beer.
You will need the following materials, found in most American kitchens, pantries, and supermarkets:
You may desire to add to taste:
Or whatever you think sounds delicious in pizza crust.
Mix dry ingredients together in one large bowl. Really stir em around. Open one bottle of beer. Chug. Open second bottle of beer. Pour entire bottle (12 oz) into flour mixture. Stir around until you've got a pretty good mass going. Dump a handful or two of flour on a clean horizontal surface. Coat your hands too, while you're at it. Dump your big sticky mass of bowl-bound dough onto surface and coat with flour. Take a minute to meditate on the following subjects: taxes, traffic, privatization of social security, hippies who don't pay rent, OPEC, stinky farts, insomnia. Punch your dough. Right, left, right, left. Pick it up when it gets all smooshed out and fold it back in on itself. Repeat. Keep punching and folding until you feel better about stuff.
Preheat oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit (350F = longer cook time but chewier crust). Grease pizza pan with olive oil. Roll out dough (half of mass for thin-crust, the whole thing for thick) onto pan, top with favorite sauce and topping options. Bake for 12-15 minutes, until cheese is bubbly and crust is golden brown.
A note on beer selection: obviously, whatever beer you employ will lend its flavor to the pizza. Start with a mild American pilsener if this freaks you out (I used Red Stripe, a crisp lager which my sister dubbed "Jamaican Budweiser"), experiment with funkier, tastier beers as you see fit. Hoppy pizza may be nice. A true gourmet may want to try out some Duvel or other Belgian deliciousness. Ale or lager, who fucking cares. Go hog nutz, pardner. It's your 'za.
This recipe makes one 12" thick crust or two 12" thin crust pizzas. It will not get you drunk unless you chug more than one beer.