I hear a lot of fucking bullshit from girls about how boys broke their hearts, how they're the big fucking victims, about how he's such an asshole. Why don't you stop seeing the fucker then? No answer.

No, you ask me, the real losers in this game is the boys. Let's think about it. Have you noticed how we have to do the approaching? It's us who lays our fucking hearts on the line, ladies. Yeah, sure, there are girls who are exceptions, are forward - but during a boy's life it isn't statistically likely that he'll meet many of these girls. As it stands, we have to put our feelings in the firing line, and you can just shoot them the fuck down if you want.

Some guys just seem to want to fuck. Fine, let them, and if you get with one of them girls, like it or lump it. Some of us want something more, we want love, and we have a tremendous amount to give in return. I've had physical relations. Sometimes I've been offerred them and turned them down. I'm not saying I don't want to get laid, every guy wants to get laid. Shit, I don't know why I rejected them - was it fear? I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm not that bothered, nor about the rejections I made or about whether I'm gonna get shagged in the future.

What I am bothered about is love. I want a fucking soul mate. Someone to help me through this shithole that we call the world, someone who will stand by me as willingly and lovingly as I will stand by them. Someone who will realize, like I do, how lucky we are to have found each other. Is there any greater joy? I have never known a greater joy than when she told me she loved me, and I believed it. I don't believe it any more, and when I confront her about it we'll have another big juicy day log. That day is in the future, right now I'm wallowing in my own angst and mixing spirits.

She's out there, somewhere. The girl who I will share an intense love with. She's smart, she's funny, she's beautiful to me, even if not to others. One day, I'm going to meet her, and we're going to be so fucking happy nothing else will matter.

I can't fucking wait.