Last night...whew...where to begin...

My roommate is from Macedonia. He's normally an OK guy, but lately, he's been getting on my nerves. Watching Spanish soap operas until 4 AM, turning on the TV and blasting the volume when I'm obviously trying to study or watch a DVD on my laptop, laughing uproariously at Friends (I'm sorry, it's just not that funny), locking me out of the room for two hours when I just got up to pee, the fact that he only showers every four days or so, I've gotten used to all that. Sure, I want to stab him with an ice pick sometimes, but it's usually bearable.

So, the other night, he announces that his friend from Macedonia was coming to spend the night. That's fine, I would've appreciated some advanced notice, but whatever. So she gets here, and they, along with two friends of mine, go out to a party at around 11:30. I stayed in to do some studying. They get back around 3 AM. And then the shit hit the fan.

My roommate and both my friends were drunk. They get here, get in bed, and I'm trying to sleep. My roommate is whispering sweet nothings without actually whispering them, serenading her in Macedonian, and laughing this obnoxious laugh, not dissimilar to the one I hear when Joey Tribbiani acts stupid on television. I try to drown this out as my friend comes in, also rather drunk. Her roommate was in the process of hooking up with some guy, and she asked to sleep in our room. Being a gentleman, I offer her my bed, which she declines in favor of the floor. My roommate also offers for her to squeeze in bed with him and his friend. Did I mention that, whenever my roommate is drunk, he propositions girls for sex? Well, he did this again. My friend brushed it off sarcastically, to which he replied (and this is a direct quote:

It's okay, though, we can have sex and still just be friends!

My friend again sarcastically says thanks but no, but my roommate has trouble understanding sarcasm when he's sober. He said fine, and he'd try again tomorrow. Because, in his words, he's a "nice guy". I tell him what a gentleman he truly is, offering to fuck with no strings attached. He didn't get it. So he goes back to his giggling and whispering while my friend on the floor gets up to use the bathroom. When she doesn't return after five minutes, my roommate's friend gets up to check on her. She comes back, speaks to my roommate in Macedonian, and he get's up to leave. I ask him what's going on, he says nothing. Apparently, "nothing" mean's "she's puking" in Macedonian.

So my friend gets back and goes to sleep, and my roommate goes back to his whispering and singing, until I politely tell him (it's 5 AM by this point, mind you) to shut the fuck up. He finally complies.

Thank God he went home for the weekend.