Today my roommate/ex-best friend decided she wanted to talk to me. Ok, so she talks all day and all night. But she feels she needs to corner me to "really have a talk" about anything. That's fine. She told me she had something to ask me. She asked me if I'm truly "sterile" as she liked to call it. First of all, that's insulting to even ask if I really cannot have children. Secondly that's insulting because of the way she phrased it. Thirdly, that's not what she really wanted to talk about. "Yes, I am really unable to have children. What's your point?"

"Ok. Well, the reason I was asking was because, I mean I was asking you. I asked because I found the pregnancy test in the garbage when I was taking the garbage out. You should have told me."

   What should I have told her, by the way? I told her I missed a period. I told her that I'd appreciate her knocking when she came in if Brett (the boyfriend) was over, and waiting for a reply. It's none of anyone's business what goes on between my boyfriend and I, intimately, just between us. I'm not ashamed of it, either, though. So...

"What should I have told you?"

"Well what was the test for?"

"To make sure I wasn't pregnant, what did you think? I have to take care of myself, and I have to make sure that the doctors aren't wrong. I'm not just going to find out nine months later when I thought I had just gained a lot of weight and (lo-and-behold!) my water breaks!"

"well, you know I don't approve?"

   What do I care? I mean, if I needed everyone's approval before I did something, I'd never do anything, and it'd be like a beurocracy in which everthing that does get done requires about 32134 days of time to process. I don't think that she realizes that I'm a big girl, in fact older and more independant than she, and that I can make my own decisions. I'm not "lost" or acting "un-Christian" in any means. My relationship with God is up there. I know what she's thinking, though. She's thinking that I'm in a "bad place with God," and that I'm "fallen" or "lost." I'm so sick of people that are supposed to be non-judgemental and loving toward me, supposed to be on my side, instead judging me and treating me like a lost little child. We're all on the same team, but apparently not the same page; you're no better, holier, closer to God than I am, not that you can tell anyway. Only God knows this. So don't get all condescending on me and try and tell me what's what.

I swear, if one more person quotes me church doctrine and tells me I should know better than to go against it, I'm going to tear out my hair and make them eat it, scalp and all.