Today my roommate
/ex-best friend decided she wanted to talk to me. Ok, so she talks all day and all night. But she feels she needs to corner me to "really have a talk" about anything. That's fine. She told me she had something to ask me. She asked me if I'm truly "sterile
" as she liked to call it. First of all, that's insulting to even ask if I really cannot have children. Secondly that's insulting because of the way she phrased it. Thirdly, that's not what she really wanted to talk about. "Yes, I am really unable to have children. What's your point?"
"Ok. Well, the reason I was asking was because, I mean I was asking you. I asked because I found the pregnancy test in the garbage when I was taking the garbage out. You should have told me."
What should I have told her, by the way? I told her I missed a period. I told her that I'd appreciate her knocking when she came in if Brett (the boyfriend) was over, and waiting for a reply. It's none of anyone's business what goes on between my boyfriend and I, intimately, just between us. I'm not ashamed of it, either, though. So...
"What should I have told you?"
"Well what was the test for?"
"To make sure I wasn't pregnant, what did you think? I have to take care of myself, and I have to make sure that the doctors aren't wrong. I'm not just going to find out nine months later when I thought I had just gained a lot of weight and (lo-and-behold!) my water breaks!"
"well, you know I don't approve?"
What do I care? I mean, if I needed everyone's approval before I did something, I'd never do anything, and it'd be like a beurocracy in which everthing that does get done requires about 32134 days of time to process. I don't think that she realizes that I'm a big girl, in fact older and more independant than she, and that I can make my own decisions. I'm not "lost" or acting "un-Christian" in any means. My relationship with God is up there. I know what she's thinking, though. She's thinking that I'm in a "bad place with God," and that I'm "fallen" or "lost." I'm so sick of people that are supposed to be non-judgemental and loving toward me, supposed to be on my side, instead judging me and treating me like a lost little child. We're all on the same team, but apparently not the same page; you're no better, holier, closer to God than I am, not that you can tell anyway. Only God knows this. So don't get all condescending on me and try and tell me what's what.
I swear, if one more person quotes me church doctrine and tells me I should know better than to go against it, I'm going to tear out my hair and make them eat it, scalp and all.