Whywait, I think you are me (well not quite but listen...)

Most of my life I have been overweight, at school I wasn't too fat, I still got teased though. So I started to starve myself when I was 15 and dyed my hair bright red. I hid behind the red hair, believing that having red hair would stop people teasing me about being fat, and I was right.

I became really thin when I was 16, but by this time most people at school didn't like me anyway. I was fainting and having blackouts a lot of the time, and it was around this time I realised that I was losing weight for nothing. So it piled on again. Then I decided to get my first tattoo, I too thought it would make me look scary. It also gave me an excuse to myself why nobody ever seemed to want to be my boyfriend.

I left school, went to University. I thought that people at University would be old enough not to judge me on my looks. I was wrong of course. I ended up with loads of male friends and not too many boyfriends. I had countless one night stands, to make myself feel better, and hoped that one of them would turn into a boyfriend. One or two of them did, but not for long. I got three more tattoos and countless piercings, to make me feel better about myself and to draw the attention away from my weight problem. It worked but I was still desperately unhappy.

If you have read my other nodes you will figure out that I left one University to go to another. Just before I went to the second one I went to a slimming club. I was 7 stones overweight.

A year on I am still a stone overweight but I am losing that too. Men like me now, but I don't really have that much confidence. I don't even want to go out with them because I know that had they seen me before, thay would not want to be my significant other. I still see myself as the fat Gillian, because nothing else has changed, I am still that Gillian and I really hate people who couldn't see through that before.