Warning: mild spoilers ahead
Brodie has the best quotes in the film, as Jason Lee often does in Kevin Smith films. Brodie waxes intellectual on everything from women, comic books, the sex lives of superheroes, to why the dirt market is the best place to hide out. His lines are the best known, funniest, and most quoted of all. Here are several examples:
Brodie, on accidental death
Brodie:(in response to a child sitting down on the mall's escalator) Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!
On the setup of the mall itself
Brodie: The cookie stand is not part of the food court.
T.S.: Of course it is.
Brodie:The food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs; it's not like we're talking quantum physics here!
T.S.: The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court.
Brodie: Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside of said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking.
Brodie: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.
On superheroes' sex lives
T.S.: But they're engaged.
Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.
T.S.: Why not? It's bound to come up.
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his kid?
T.S.: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ's sake. His Kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that would kill him.
Brodie: My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of a sudden, the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely, and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?
Brodie: What's whoopee?
Brandi: You know, being intimate.
Brodie: What? Like fucking?
Brodie: I would've made a sexy chick!