The strangest customer of the day award goes to . . .

the schizophrenic old woman who had her prescriptions delivered, then answered the door with no shirt on . . . and no bra. Thank Cthulhu I was not the one delivering to her. And this isn't the first time she's done this. We used to have a one-legged diabetic old codger who would show the delivery person his "second leg." I guess that was his way of saying, "Thanks for the insulin!"

The dumbest customer of the day award goes to . . .

It wasn't a bad day today, other than scary sometimes-naked schizo lady and every fourth person having a new insurance card for the new year (of course, they never show it to us up front; that would save time and is thus batshit crazy). The dumbest thing was the type of call we get at least once each week: an elderly woman requesting we deliver "vitamins" to her. We carry about 300 different bottles of vitamins. Yet we get this vague request so often, we put a note in every customer's file listing every type of vitamin we've ever seen them buy from us.

So I pull up the lady's file and there are two vitamins listed. So I ask which vitamins she needs.

"The small ones," she replies.
"The Vitamin E?"
"No, I have enough of those."
"The Calcium?"
"No, I have enough of those," she scoffs now, as though I'm retarded for not knowing she has enough calcium. When I'm not counting pills, I'm a psychic investigator you know.
So now I have to guess what "small ones" she's talking about. "Do you need iron pills?"
"Do you know the name of what you need?"
"I need small ones!"
"Is that like Centrum?"
"No. Did you need a multivitamin?"
"Yes! Small ones!"

Now I'm about to bang my head against the counter. She had decided to start taking a multivitamin, and I was supposed to just magically know she wanted the smallest multivitamin pills we had.

The sad thing is, we get calls like this all of the time. At least she was wearing clothes on the other end of that phone line . . . I think . . .

Oh God.