The dumbest customer of the day award goes to . . .

I pick up the phone.

"Hi . . . uh . . . uh . . . there was a prescription . . . for my wife . . . they were gonna call it in . . . did they?"

I notice that the voice sounds exactly like my coworker Matt* doing his impersonation of a stupid customer. He prank calls us at least once a week. His shift had just ended, and he had just walked out the door. Immediately I thought, he's sitting in his car with his cell phone messing with me. But it might really be a customer, so I have to play along.

"What's your wife's name?"

"Uh . . . Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Mary! Her name is Mary! Mary!"

"Her name is Mary Mary?"

"Yeah! Mary!"


[long pause] "No, Mary!"

"Yeah, real funny Matt," I say, and hang up.

Ten minutes later, the phone rings and the clerk picks it up. I overhear part of the conversation:

"But what is Mary's last name?" the clerk enunciates slowly.

And I'm thinking, Matt, you dick. Then the clerk turns to me and asks if a prescription has been called in for Mary Kerflucktahbooey. Yes. Shit. Yes there had been. We just hadn't run it through yet because we needed to see an insurance card.

So I'm standing there thinking about how much I'd like to strangle Matt when Mr. Kerflucktahbooey walks in the door holding an insurance card out in front of him like it's a note from his mother. And I apologize for hanging up on him and say he sounds just like a coworker who prank calls the store sometimes. He laughs it off and we fill the prescription, and wifey gets her pain pills. Yay.

So the idiot award for today will be awarded to three people: to Mary Mary's husband for his awesome phone skills; to Matt the bastard for being a bastard; and to this idiot for not letting the clerk answer the phone in the first place.

* All names have been changed.