Trouble in River City

I live near the town that the musical The Music Man was based on. This is the just about the only thing the town has to brag about, and it does so constantly. The place is actually called Mason City (as seen on the T-shirt worn by Michael Richards's character in UHF). It's a dump. I was arrested there (wrongfully, naturally) and was leaving the station just as someone escaped in a stolen police car and led police on a low speed chase in a circle along the one way streets surrounding the cop shop. Rather than pulling out in front of him as he passed the station again, the police cars waited till he passed, then joined the parade.

This is also the town where that reporter, Jodi Huisentruit, went missing back in 1995. This is the unofficial unsolved murder capital of Iowa. They need to put up a sign next to Chelsea Creek that says "X number of days since we've found a body here". The sign will need to be electronic because it's going to need constant revision.

Well, it gets worse/funnier. The mayor of "River City" just got arrested. She was caught shoplifting clothing from the Herberger's at the mall across from Music Man Square. What a dumb bitch. That starts with "B" and that rhymes with "T" and that stands for "Trouble! Right here in River City!"