Today, I read the funniest job ad I've ever seen in the Columbus Dispatch:
ALLIGATORS!
We're interested in hiring a semi-obnoxious, pushy account representative for the very boring, repetitious job of selling our business services. Our rather dismal office is located in the Bottoms. Our current staff, which is the laziest group of people you'll ever see, drag themselves to work 5 days a week to complain about the weather, the coffee, the thermostat, or their manager. When they're done they sometimes manage to organize themselves to service a whole lot of customers, which is surprising because our rates are too high and there are many competitors. Applicants should have a skin like an alligator and the desire to suffer their way to earn what they're worth under our combination salary and commission compensation.
This ad was followed by a legitimate-looking mailing address. I can't sort out if this is for real, or if they had a last-minute gap in the layout and some wag in the copy room wrote this up as a joke.
A pity I'm neither a saleswoman nor possessing the desired personality attributes, otherwise I'd be tempted to apply, just for daft.
Tomorrow I find out if I got the medical writing job at the hospital. If so, e2 will have helped me get that job, because I used several writeups I did over the past months as current writing samples. I wouldn't have written 'em if I hadn't gotten hopelessly addicted to this place. If I've got the job, I'm going to do the Happy Dance throughout my apartment and put in an order for a Handspring Treo 90, because I'm going to have all manner of new information to keep track of and I:
- have a mind like a steel sieve, and
- can't read my own handwriting anymore, so lots of little notes to myself are right out
If I didn't get the job ... I'm going to be bummed. I will probably stomp around the apartment, berate the dustbunnies, curse the universe, drink a hard cider, then get back to job hunting. It's the only thing to do, after all ....