#43 in a list of signs that you're not having a swell day (or maybe you are, but it's the entirely wrong kind of swelling)

You wake up with an itchy ear. Itchy, very very itchy, down deep in the canal.

It's allergies, you think, or perhaps some soap got in yesterday from your shower. Maybe it's wax.

You get a cotton swab, slip it in your ear to twirl it around and clean out the wax or at least get that crazymaking itch scratched.

Instead, you hear a crunch and feel something in your ear pop.

You pull out the cotton swab.

On the end of the swab are the crushed remains of a tiny little spider.


After suffering repeated frissons of horror, you wonder the following:

  • When and how did you get a spider in your ear?
  • Was it female? Did it lay eggs?
  • If God turns out to be an arachnid, are you going to Hell?