Well, I haven't gotten a reply about the software reviewer job I interviewed for Tuesday; I should have heard something by now. The company owner was supposed to make a decision and call me yesterday evening. I called him this afternoon and left a message on his voice mail, but he didn't call me back. I'm incredibly depressed about this, and a hundred other things, though I do have other prospects to explore.

I am going to inundate the Worthington library with job applications, for instance. I've applied for work there before, with no result. Evidently, they consider me unsuitable for shelving books, despite my excellent eye-hand coordination, knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System, and reverence for literature. They don't know what they're missing. I can shelve with the best of them. So perhaps I just haven't been persistent enough in my applications to them. I will send them an application each week, until they either give me an interview or beg me to stop.

Late Update: Holy Cats, I Have A JOB!!!!

I just got a phone call from Wyatt. The software reviewer job is mine, and I start on Monday. After nearly 11 months of unemployment, I finally have a job! Whee!

And now for something completely different ...

Introduction: The following Onion-style news parody was just written by a friend of mine who goes under pseudonym Geo Stone; his normal gig is writing about suicide at http://suicidemethods.net/. He encourages anyone who enjoys it to pass it along with attribution to others who might enjoy it as well. I'll pass along any constructive feedback I get on this one.

Michigan, Idaho, Arkansas Declared "Domestic Axis of Evil"

President George W. Bush, in his State of the Union Message declared Michigan, Idaho, and Arkansas to be members of a "domestic axis of evil."

"Each of these states shelters terrorists who possess weapons of mass destruction, though not nearly as good as ours," the President stated. "The people who bombed Oklahoma City grew up in Michigan. They trained in Michigan. They acquired explosives in Michigan. They visited Idaho, a state where anti-government militias have been long known to stockpile weapons."

Bush further stated that "FBI agents and BATF inspectors have not received full cooperation from the Militias in tracking down those weapons caches, despite our best efforts at finding a peaceful solution, as at Ruby Ridge. Furthermore, each of these rogue states possesses nuclear power plants -- well, we're not quite sure about Arkansas, but satellite imagery shows some suspicious-looking sites -- and none of them has signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. What more evidence do you need?"

Arkansas was a last-minute substitute for Texas. Texas, though home of Waco's once-numerous Branch Davidians and in possession of substantial oil reserves, was removed from the list when the President learned that he had recently been Governor of the state.

Arkansas was "added for regional balance" a senior administration spokesman said. The fact that former President Clinton is from Arkansas had "absolutely, positively, no bearing on its selection" according to the spokesman, who cited national security as grounds for not specifying the reasons for Arkansas' inclusion. "You'll just have to trust us on that," he said.

Oregon was in contention for the third spot until the last moment. "We haven't forgotten them," the spokesman declared. "We will impose democracy on them in good time."

The President also warned the governors of the three States that he was imposing "no fly" zones over their upper and lower thirds as a precautionary measure. "We don't expect them to bomb their own people," the President said, "but desperate leaders, especially those not supported by a majority of their people, are dangerously unpredictable."

He also declared a full trade embargo on the three states, with exceptions only for humanitarian programs like "SUVs for Food" in Michigan.

"It's really worked great in Iraq," noted the administration spokesman. "We're sure it will do just as well here."