You're yelling I love you only you can't let the words out because its 6 am.

And you're yelling it to a Xanga post from 18 months ago about how you talked for 10 hours straight because you're too shy to call and see if she's dead or not.

So you figure you'll go on like today and the months before, pretending not to see the Pablo Neruda she got you and all the songs of hers you sing and the way you wince when Mom and Dad make jokes about the grandparents in New Jersey.

And you've stopped trying to analyze it or pretend its something different; you just say its love and go on with everybody else.

And if anybody replaces here you'll go for them without a second glance (because when you talked on the phone you would talk about the other people you wanted to date).

And she told you to smile so you do that every goddamn day.

And my eyes are melting somewhere out there; so listen to Most of the Time because its got little to do with her but tells the story better then I ever can.

And i wonder how hard it is to pick up the damn phone.

And i wonder why i'm screaming I love you to one half of a screen.

But there's a million reaons that I cannot explain to you and in the end she was just the most wonderful goddamn person and I refuse to let go of that.