Number Two Son, through the crack in the bathroom door asked if we get A&E and Grandpa called to say there was a special on about horses. Thats enough to get me out of the tub and turn on the TV. Horses have connected Dad and I since I was a little girl. A lot of times he would bring me home a ceramic horse from his TDY's(Temporary Tours of Duty). My favorite one was the one he brought back from Vietman. It was hand carved out of some kind of wood by a Montanyard. Every birthday and Christmas it was my fervent wish to have a horse, but being in the military and moving all the time made it impossible. So he did the best he could taking me horseback riding whenever he could. On my grandparents ranch I would ask him to tell me over and over about Snip and Ribbons, two horses thay used from plowing fields to pulling the buggy into town.It was there that he taught me the meaning of cowboy up. The last time he took me riding was for my son's birthday. He took pictures and sent them to me. I still look at them from time to time and see how sick I really was. They say the camera adds ten pounds and I looked like a bit of nothing on that horse. So very thin and a scarf covering my patchy hair. I vaguely recall the day, but mostly as a recollection by pictures. What does a mother do to help her children understand that life's not all it's cracked up to be. To instill hope in a hopeless situation. The best I can come up with is to look on the positives and provide focus for them hoping to make that a habit of their thinking,to look at how far one has come. I would never admit to needing a rest; but long before we reached the end of the riding trail I dismounted, turned around and said, Look how far we've come! Stopping was my excuse for me to catch my breath as well as to enjoy the beautiful desert God had given us. To point out to my sons that it is good to stop, rest and reflect on how far we've come in life.

This week I had another check up and all is well. The doctor asks how old I am and is shocked that I could be in my fourties. Of course this immediatley endears him to my heart. We talk about my recent cognitive tests and he says just forget about the results . He says it's not that surprising considering what I've gone through. Yea I agreed, it's a startng place for my next endeavour in life. He hinted at maybe a receptionist's job in a doctor's office and wanted to know if I have seen Dr. G ( a friend of his) lately. Teaching he says doesn't pay as a profession as in comparison to the ongoing education required to keep one's credentials. I am almost certain that I don't want to teach. It would be a disaster considering my problems with concentration and short term memory. No mention of an MRI (Yipee!) But a ton of hormone tests ugh! Blood pressure is 112/75 (normal for me) and resting heart rate is 72. A nice drop from the 82 last check up. The working out helps in so many ways I can't count them.

Walkng 3 miles in 45 minutes is my next goal. Five to six nights a week, I'm a regular now on the street. I recoginze the pizza delivery guys driving back and forth, one always sticks his head out the window of his faded blue Toyota truck and hails me with an eager wave, his palm flashing by pointing out a great intensity of fraternity. A couple last week stopped me in the grocery store and said your the lady who walks her dog every night. We see you and wave. They explain the kind of car they drive and tell me to look for them. I will I promise. It's been such a long time since I've been to the real world that it's renewing to see and hear this sense of community among strangers.

ophie I remembered you in my devotions last night as I promised and will continue.

There is still no stumbit button on my E2 e-mail registry. I would like to remove Asamoth since he has decided to leave and put another noder on my list. dem bones says he'll do some snooping and thinks it may be a coding problem.

How Far!

You will show me the path that leads to life; your presence fills me with joy and brings me pleasure forever.
- Psalm 16:11 (TEV)