Yesterday my brain took a left turn. Somewhere in my head I knew it was Saturday, but thought it was the 8th. Knowing I had a doctor's appointment on the 8th I dressed and arrived at the office at quater to noon in plenty of time. The parking lot was for the most part empty and the office locked. Out to lunch I reasoned. After the car became too warm to sit in anymore, I got out and sat on a parking block in the shade of an oleander tree. Noon came and went, must be running late I thought and continued waiting. Soon I began to realize that it was a Saturday and not the 8th. Somewhere in my brain the knowledege was filed in seperate files and no connection ever made.

I climbed back into the car and cried not out of self pity, but out of a sense of compassion
I could see the woman sitting there on the parking block confidently collecting thoughts of what to tell the doctor, rolling small stones from the shade into the sunlight till one bounced up and landed in her shoe. Digging around on the inside of the shoe to dislodge the small stone, finally taking off the sneaker and dumping it on the ground then putting the shoe on and off in order that the toe of her sock would be just so.....those small moments before the cruelness of reality came crashing in.

I drove around for a while, long enough to seem to be at a doctor's appointment. I didn't tell anyone because...well my husband is on vacation, he works hard and doesn't need the stress, but mostly because she trusts me to keep these things in confidence.

My confusion is continually before me, and the shame of my face hath covered me.
Psalm 44:15 (KJV)