The Fathers' Day
I was seeing my parents after quite a while. (It has nothing to do with the Fathers' Day because I remembered it only few days ago when my friend who grew up in Uusikaupunki too mentioned it. But I did made a small card for him: I drew a manga-like chick wishing luck for dad.) I've just been so busy with Uni and all. Actually there wasn't that much talk with them as I expected but. They basically know how I'm doing and I think it was more a symbolic question of being present after a long time.
I met also an old good friend who had some kinda serious problems with depression about a year ago and those problems triggered him to make couple of kinda radical changes in his life. He was doing better now and after hour and half our discussion slided into bigger questions of life. He didn't want to say a lot on this but he was anxious to hear what I was thinking. (I have to say I felt good that he appreciates my opinion.) Well, here's approximately and very briefly what I told him:
Life is a bitch and then you die. In my case this worn-out phrase has a bit different meaning because I just cannot run from climax to climax. Usually this means life fulfilled by heavy alcohol consumption and sex; sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Work 8 hours a day, drink whole weekends. Choose a career. Choose a fucking big television...
It just doesn't work for me. I try to fight back being nothing but a desiring machine. It's just build in my personality that I need some long term plans and dreams. The tragi-comical part of this is that I've realized it doesn't matter that much if those plans are fulfilled or not - it's the plans themselves, the very existence of those plans is my air hole. I just need to deny that in the final analysis they are of no importance.
I don't know if it helped him at all. I also told him that this is only my perception of my life (at the moment) and someone else may have completely different things that make em happy and they may found the meaning from different things. I'm also dissatisfied with myself that I haven't properly worked through this idea yet (as you can see above) but on the other hand I'm also bit afraid that it will make me remember all too well that on a certain level the question of long term plans and dreams is the exact equivalent for the escapism of reality offered by telly, alcohol and drugs. Why can't we people live with the reality? How's the Paris Commune?
But.. It has been magnificient, brilliant, (other words of praise) to find love!
(see Moulin Rouge for further information)
63 kilometers run this week - not too much yet but becoming better.