Our intrepid double-naught spy, Mr. Bodine, recently returned from an undercover assignment investigating reported plans of world domination at the Miss Manners Biological Warfare Development Center, has recovered some fairly damning G2. Consistent with Judith Martin's megalomaniacal and insidious, "wheels within wheels" modus operandi, she has once again given us just enough rope with which to hang ourselves.

Fortunately, my own operative ( the perpetually unflappable Number 007 Ox ), has returned with the prophylactic completion that will significantly reduce (or rather, transform) our degree of exposure.
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Mr. Bodine is hot on the trail of the solution. His extension of the basic process is correct, as far as it goes, yet incomplete. He correctly notes the unwanted juxtapostion of nasty bacteria and the delicate mucous membranes of our beloved genitalia. However, how are we to deal with the dreaded splashback? The solution is at once simple, sublime and delightful. The post-urination handwashing should be immediately followed with a genitalia washing and then yet another handwashing. The cleanliness of both hands and genitalia is thereby insured.

The more paranoid of my brethren in the intelligence community feel that by implementing this proposal, we could be dancing exactly according to plan of the master puppeteer and that Ms. Martin is planning on cornering the market on bidets. Fortunately, I have acted preemptively to preclude any such action by launching bidetsforadollar.com.

As a stopgap measure, until there is a bidet in every restroom, we must all fastidiously engage in manual genitalia cleansing that is to be performed immediately after urination. It is vital that this cleansing be vigorous and thorough. Detailed instructions may be viewed at the Genital Cleansing Faq.

Please be prepared for the initial odd reactions to your adherence to this procedure. Uninformed people may appear amused, shocked and even frightened by your behavior. You must attempt to educate those that do not understand. Within twenty four hours, an educational pamphlet will be available from Jack Chick at www.chick.com. Stock up and distribute with extreme prejudice.

In closing, I must commend the tenacity,ingenuity and self-sacrifice of Mr Bodine. While his implicit statement regarding his position on oral sex has most likely hampered him in the dating pool, we will all live better, safer, cleaner lives for it.