Note: I was told that this would not bode well as a stand-alone write-up so I posted it here instead. I hope you get a good laugh out of it. I certainly had fun writing it. Thanks for reading it, and I appreciate any opinions you have. No offense to those Valley Girls out there. I sometimes overuse the word "LIKE" though I try to avoid words like that.

Studies of the Word "like", and an adventure in the realm of Valley-Girl-Vocabulary-land

I know that we all hate the word "Like" as a word, but I have just determined that it does really have a purpose

So, just to get us started, heres an example.

The way a normal person would say that they wished to order a burger and fries: Can I get a large fries, and a McUseless without onions? Cool. How much is it?

The way that a "Valley Girl" would say the same thing: Like, can I like, get, like, a La'arge Fri'es and like, maybe, like a like Mc 'uh' Useless?? Like, oh my god, like is that like really like two like dollars? Like oh my god... And so on.

But really, perhaps I am exaggerating. Perhaps they used "Holy Crud" instead of "Oh my god." But still, you see where I'm going.

Next is a true story of mine. I will write it as if it were a dialogue in a script... *Shudder* Ok. Pretend that the Innocent Working By-stander speaks in a long, drolling tone, as if the world bores him. Here goes:

One Morgan's Cellar. Time is sometime around 5:30 P.M. Breeze is cool, aprox. 51 degrees Fahrenheit. Everything is as it should be.

(Narrator) Enter: Dumb Pink-clad Valley Girl (DVG)

(DVG) like Hi, like honey? How like long is like the like wait?

(Narrator) Enter: Innocent Working By-stander (ME)

(ME)(In a drolling tone)The wait will be aprox. 20 minutes Miss. Until then, please enjoy the complimentary pillow mints.

(DVG) like oh my god, the wait like is like 20 minutes? Oh like my like god. Eeooo'kay. I will just like sit here and like enjoy like the pillow mints. like thank you.

(Narrator) 20 minutes pass. The DVG is becoming agitated. she then spots Innocent Working By-stander walking in her general direction.

(DVG) So, like did you like get me like a table like yet?? I have like been waiting like so long that I like don't believe it. like oh my god, is it ready yet???

(ME) No ma'am. I'm sorry but a group that had prior reservations showed up at the last minute, and we've had to give them seniority.

(DVG)(Freaking out) LIKE, (breath) OH MY GOD!!! (breath) I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU LIKE GAVE MY TABLE LIKE AWAY. LIKE TOTALLY (dragging the word out) UNBELEIVABLE!!!

(ME) If you wait perhaps another five minutes, I can assure you that you will have a table.

(Narrator) Five minutes pass... *tick*...*tick*...*tick*... Innocent Working By-stander approaches estranged DVG...

(ME) If you'll come with me, I can show you to your table now. Sorry for the inconvenience.

(DVG) (sarcastically)like thank you. I was like beggining to like think that like you had like forgotten me.

(ME) shows DVG to her table. ME brings her the menu, and asks if she would like to hear the specials. Her response is something less than customary...

(DVG) like how dumb do you think that I like am? I can like read the specials like for myself. Oh my god, I'm going to like report this to your supervisor. like jeez...

(ME) I meant no offense ma'am. I was just doing the customary services. Please forgive me for being rude.

(DVG) Ye'ah, like whatever. I'll like call you when I'm ready...

Yes, yes I know that I haven't finished, but you get the idea. And just in case you didn't catch it before, that was a true story from the time that I worked in a little place called Morgan's Cellar. I think that I didn't need to go on with that painful dialogue. You got the gist of it. Anyway, I think that I through numerous tedious studies have determined why Valley Girls use the word "Like" to an excess.

The reason, as I have determined, is note because they are all dumb, as we had previously thought. They use this word, "Like" as an inter-sentence narration. This narrative is a way of emphasizing the following words, or perhaps merely inserting a spoken "Space" into the sentences. This really isn't necessary, but it is for some reason done anyway. Only god knows why. In the following example, see how the word is used as a "Space" marker:

Like I like would like to like use the like computer like to like make a like writeup like on Like thanks alot. Like oh my god, like I can't like thank you like enough.

Hmmm... I got dejavough when I wrote that... Hmmm...

Also note that the phrase "Oh My God" is often used to an excess. I think that this word also serves as an emphasizer in these styles of sentences. I do not know why they would choose to narrate/emphasize in this way, but they do. God only knows why. This emphasis style also includes such useless and nausea-inducing phrases such as:

  • "Totally"
  • "Far out"
  • "Groovy"

And many many many more. I do realize that these phrases and words were greatly used in the 70's and 80's, and no offense is meant to those rockin' hippies that read this. It's justs that nowadays those words have been so overused that mention of them induces shuddering and often also causes violent bouts of insanity-induced Valley-Girl Axe Chopping. Use these words at your own peril. On another note, I also mean no offense to those Pink-clad Valley Girls, nor any Valley Girls for instance. It's just like when I'm talking about a laboratory rat. I discuss all of its various behaviors and I talk about those rather annoying ones, that really get on my nerves. I am merely implying that Valley Girls should be further studied. I'm certain that there are mainy interesting scientific possibilities that they may offer us.

Basically what I am saying is that Valley Girls are not always as dumb as we think, though I certainly didn't show that outright. If it truly is a verbal narrative, than they are just brilliantly annoying, and if it is more of a pointless habit then we finally can replace the lab rats with something.

You know, I heard that they are going to start using Valley Girls for testing, instead of lab rats. This is for 2 reasons. 1) The scientists don't get as attached to the Valley Girls, and 2) Nobody cares if you use a Valley Girl.