Triumph, the insult comic dog inspired me to vote in the coming presidential election.
I wasn't going to vote this year, for two reasons. First, I believe George W. Bush will be re-elected. Second, I don't believe I could help or hinder this in any way.
I feel disenfranchised. Oh, we are all allowed the delusion that we have a say in the whole thing. They send me a ballot and I send it back, but I don't kid myself. As long as I've been alive my State has always voted for the Democratic candidate. Though most of Washington is inhabited by conservatives, the concentration of liberals in the Puget Sound area constitutes the majority. Voters outside King, Pierce and Thurston counties may as well stay home on Election Day. Pugetopolis will decide it for us and with all probability Washington will be clad in blue on CNN's Map 'o Electoral votes come this November. Regardless of any coin toss I might subject myself to, my one vote doesn't matter.
Even if I felt my vote mattered, this choice leaves much to be desired. Who will protect us from the Terrible Secret of Space? Bush, Kerry or Nader: it's sort of like choosing which Golden Girl you'd like to fuck. I'm not happy with the George and the last four years. John is pretty shady and I can't say I'm happy with his last 20 years. And Ralph will never be able to submit that change of address form for 1600 Pennsylvania. Good men never have a chance. I believe one must corrupt oneself beyond any point of redemption in order to obtain this office. One must have the tenacity to do whatever it takes to win.
This is painfully obvious when vote fraud starts to rear its ugly head. Do you remember the mess in Florida? Get ready for round two in Ohio. But the real bitch is the stuff you don't see. All those stuffed ballots; Vote early, Vote often is what the Chicago Democrats would always say. Think of all the cows that will vote in Texas this year. Think of the dead who will vote. Think of the mentally ill and senile. How despicable is this, that the dead and the retarded are used to serve this purpose; they are used to elect the president of the united states.
But I'm ranting. I basically became completely fed up with the whole thing.
That is, until this silly hand puppet changed my mind. During some clip on voter registration Triumph, the insult comic dog blurted something to the effect of, "Come on, the least you can do is cancel Ben Affleck's vote". This floored me. I couldn't stop laughing. The next day I went to the auditor's office and registered to vote. I decided to do just that.
Thanks Triumph for helping me with my dilemma.