Idea: The Everything Universal Disclaimer

Since many (read: 5) of my nodes are about using household implements to do something dangerous and/or illegal, I cop a fair amount of flak for failing to warn readers of the potentially harmful effects of the stuff about which I write. Since I invariably accompany such information with disclaimers to the effect of "anything you do to yourself is your own damn fault," I fail to see the problem. I don't think that I should be obliged to explicitly explain every way which you should not use a deadly projectile weapon, or exhaustively describe how drugs can also be bad, when I write up a preparation procedure for an unfashionable psychedelic drug. Anyone who has made it this far should already know that deadly projectile weapons should not be pointed at people, and potent hallucinogens should not be taken unless you know better.

And so, for the convenience of those who node about Interesting Things, (such as How to Electrocute Yourself, How to Blow Your Mind, and How to Stick a Skewer Right Through Your Uncle's Arm), and the safety of those who actually need to be told, I recommend that we create an Everything Universal Disclaimer node. This node should contain a warning against every possible mode of abuse for everything. Then, when I node Making High Explosives from Sherbert and Mothballs, I can easily hardlink the Disclaimer at the top of the node, rather than composing a lengthy comprehensive list of every way to explode yourself, and inserting "Don't" at the beginning of each of them.

Some ideas for the Disclaimer:

  • Anything you do to yourself is your own damn fault.
  • Do not insert. Anywhere
  • Keep out of reach of children and idiots.
  • Drugs are bad. If you do drugs, you're bad.
  • Do not have sex with horses. Seriously, don't.
  • Everything you just read is bullshit
  • Before you perform any of the actions described in the linked writeup, ask yourself WWJCD?
  • Taxidermy is not recommended as a hobby.
  • Don't take the contents of the linked node too seriously.
  • Don't take the contents of the linked node too lightly.
  • What would your mother think?
  • Even reading the content of the linked node will spell fiery doom for your eternal soul.
  • Do not feed the troll
  • Beware of the meme
  • The content of the linked node is presented for informational purposes only. Anyone who is offended by it or who uses it for nefarious reasons is free to do so, so long as the writer isn't blamed for their stupidity.

And similar. A link to this node would serve no actual purpose other than to stop people from telling me that I'm glorifying drugs, or giving dangerous toys to kiddies, or whatever I felt like doing before you told me not to, and will damn well feel like doing afterwards, as well.

I'd put a footnote about this only being a joke, explaining that you shouldn't take it seriously, but that would be against the spirit of the writeup. And I'd actually create the Disclaimer node if it wasn't E2 suicide for a newbie to node about noding, which is essentially what this is.