0826 hrs: Last night I talked to my friend Joanna again, after having told her
a few days ago that I am attracted to her. I asked her why my being
attracted to her, and her knowing about it, hasn't changed our
friendship at all. It hasn't even affected it a bit. That confused me.
We talked about it for a while, and the fact that she is a lesbian, and
so on. I told her the reason I expected it to somehow change our friendship
was because I had some strange hope inside me that somehow, despite a
number of problems, we could be together. This was the fight
between my heart and my mind (Heart vs. Mind). I knew that she is
a lesbian, but I wanted her anyways.
After all the discussion, I think we're clear on a few points, and
thankfully talking about this helped both of us. No matter how much I
am attracted to her, she's still a dyke. She says she thinks I'm great,
and she had thought that maybe, in some other universe, our relationship
might have worked out. She recently met another woman she is really
interested in. I told Joanna that I had high hopes for her to have a
happy relationship with this new woman, even though I still felt that
I wanted her for myself. I don't know how, but those two feelings seem to
be able to co-exist.
So after all of this discussion, we actually got to the
practical problem-solving frame of mind. She is happy with me liking her.
Afterall, it's not exactly an insult. We might not have a
romantic relationship, but we can be friends. I get to want her, and she
gets to be wanted. Somehow this feels like a happy solution to my confusion.
I haven't lost hope that maybe, someday, she'll want a hetrosexual
relationship, and I'll be right there for her.
0944 hrs: I've completed one entire project already this morning. Excellent. Shipped out one entire COM/ATL object to a client. Woo, look at the productive Lao-Tzu. Now back to the big project that ships right after my two week vacation which I start after today. Doh.
1135 hrs: I love when things work right. At this rate, I might even get the core functionality of that stupid project done by this afternoon. It might suck, but it would work. This is a good start.
1413 hrs: Core functionality is .. there. It just isn't working. Meh. Stupid bug reports from some co-workers too. Unreproducable bugs. I hate those. Only 2 hours until my two week vacation starts. Yay.
1607 hrs: Well, all my co-workers have left the office for the day to begin what is sure to be a fun stag party. Bowling, then a movie, and then, of course, the strip club. I can't attend, I have to pick up a friend at the airport who is flying into town from Glasgow. If I feel like it, I might join them later tonight. But if I don't join, I'm sure by the time I get back from my vacation in two weeks, they'll have forgotten and I won't be bugged at all. It's all good. Well, except that I have to come in next week to pick up a pay cheque. (mmm, money while not working). Anyways. Almost time to get out of here and get to the airport, before the traffic becomes overwhelmingly deadly.
Recap: Picked up my friend from the airport. We did a lot of talking and planning for what we'll do over the next week of vacation. It should be interesting. Watched The Matrix, which my friend had never seen, and then went and slept. Mmm, sleep.