Low-calorie Lucozade. This stuff exists. I kid ye not.

Some background information, in case Lucozade only exists in England: it's an energy drink, possibly the original energy drink, made by Smithkline Beecham. It's generally orange in colour, and comes in two flavours: original (tastes like salted Irn Bru) and orange (which I really shouldn't have to explain). There is also Lucozade Sport which, as far as I can tell, is normal Lucozade in a 'sporty' bottle.

Sensible individuals, such as you or I, would argue that the point of Lucozade is to provide energy. Energy is measured in kilocalories, usually abbreviated to calories. Allow me to repeat: a calorie is a unit of energy. No more, no less. Sensible folks, therefore, would consider low-calorie energy drinks to be an oxymoron; how about some fat-free lard? Or, say, sugar-free sucrose?

Apparently, the people at Smithkline Beecham are not sensible folks.