There has been a run of ads on TV recently for these planned housing developments just outside of the city. They all have names like Caroline Springs or Riverdale Heights. They all feature meticulously manicured lawns, landscaped parks and well designed purpose-built lakes overlooked by the community tennis courts.

A bland housewifey resident comes on and explains how idyllic their new home is and how every time they build a new footbridge "the quality just surpasses her expectations."

I envy and pity these people at the same time. I envy their simple happiness and contentment with their sterile little lives, but I can feel only contempt for someone who somehow finds fulfilment in a well constructed footbridge. This vapid woman had expectations about a footbridge. Christ.

Deliver me from Swedish Furniture.
Deliver me from Clever Art.
Deliver me from Quality Fucking Footbridges.

I may not be happy these days but at least I am not dead without realising it.