Early this evening I am swamped with a wave of bitterness. I hold angry imaginary conversations in which I say nasty venomous wounding things to her and to certain of my so called friends whom I haven't seen for months.

And then it has passed and I am just miserable. My flatmate arrives home so I shut myself in my room and lie on my bed in the suit that I haven't bothered to change out of. I don't want to be here. I want to go away, away from here, away from everything, but I don't have anywhere to go. I want to run away to somewhere new but I know that if I did it would just be me in another place. Besides, sometimes I love this city.

My flatmate turns on the stereo in the lounge and I can hear him banging around in the kitchen. I decide to go out and get some dinner, mainly just to get out of here for a while. I open my door, walk straight out and head downstairs. Then my knees sort of buckle under me and the next thing I know I'm sitting halfway down the stairs with tears making slow tracks down my face again. After a minute the fear(hope?) that someone will come out of one of the apartments and find me like this motivates me to haul myself up and keep moving. I trudge slowly down Toorak road. I have no idea where I am going, I am just walking.

Then I see Nando's across the road and I decide to get a chicken burger and go eat it alone in the park or something. I cross the road and go in. The guy behind the counter greets me cheerily and asks me how I am.

'Pretty Good Thanks' I say.