I've been conflicted about the whole wedding idea from the start. I don't like the lace and all the white, I hate the overpriced and over-hyped wedding industry, and all the etiquette and outdated symbolism of every little detail drives me nuts. All my relatives find it strange that my fiance and I are just doing something casual, having a party (not a reception) and that we are completely throwing out the idea of color coordinating the entire event.

I don't want traditional and I want to maintain some iota of feminism in this whole tulle-infested ordeal, but it hit me tonight that maybe I wish I could just have fun planning my wedding. Maybe thinking about veils and flowers, in a very low-key sort of way, would actually be fun.

I want to go to my best friend with this, the girl who's going to be my maid of honor, but she doesn't care. She doesn't want to talk about flowers or veils or anything except the shudder-inducing horror inspired by weddings.

The problem is, I can't really complain, because ostensibly, I'm right there with her. Except that sometimes I think maybe a wedding could be fun. Maybe part of my dislike for this whole wedding thing is that I feel like I'm going into it completely alone, without even a friend to snicker over stupid bridal magazines with.