I hate defense mechanisms
is a wonderful thing... Her bed's pretty comfortable - well, as comfortable as a futon
on a wood frame can be.
I've been staying over there alot lately, they don't mind my presence and I enjoy being around new friends. Dinner was good, but I didn't have to go get the food (and yes, of course that took forever at 12am).
He left to drop her off in Ybor
... The two of us were alone, she and I. "Everyone's saying I need to talk to you. That's weird, because they speak so highly of you... Why do I need to talk to you?
" she said. I know she had to have guessed by now, but I was nervous, afraid of rejection
by someone I had come to care about deeply. "Well, hmm.. That's odd. I dunno why they'd say that.
" I replied quietly. "Oh... Well, yeah. That is a little weird.
" I knew I had to talk to her about it, let her know how I feel and get a response. But she wouldn't believe me, she would downright distrust me if I told her that I cared
. So we sat in silence for awhlie. I wondered what she was thinking about, or if she even had a clue. Or maybe she was just 'messing with my head' as she liked to do on occasion - maybe she did know but was waiting for me to acknowledge it to her before moving on with things.
"You know, I'm so proud of myself,
" I blurted out, trying desperately to divert attention away. "Why?
" she asked. "Well, I got three cools on Everything yesterday... I think I'm finally learning how to node and can make a decent contribution to the nodegel.
" "Umm... Okay,
" she said, "what the fuck is a nodegel?
" So I had some explaining to do... We spent the time that they had bought us discussing the finer points of Everything
writing and RPG
. I'm a loser. Maybe she doesn't care, maybe she does. Maybe I'm just reading into her actions too much and she's just neutral towards me... But I'm interested in her, and I have to make a move - any move - to break the status quo
. But the status quo is so comfortable, even though it doesn't exist. Fuck it, I analyze
too much. I need to play more Quake
and less Everquest
. Her friend's Car accident
. First rain
. Cold, chilly. She's alright, she's ok. Her face? What? That's all she cares about, I suppose. Vanity truely is a sin... But it's really the least of the evils - at least her friends aren't all bitches
... It was her and I, then she left - the phone
. Sleep. No dreams
Node for the ages
they say... So I will.