And the Nodeshell Rescue Team bounds into action...

I had thought that the surgery was cold, air conditioning blasting away at my exposed underbelly, but damn, those implements are colder still.

"Please, Doctor", I trembled, "either tell me what's up there or take your forceps out of my orifice before before they freeze-dry my insides!"

"Well," he told me, "you've been very naughty again, haven't you?"
"Can the bullshit," I retorted. "I'm a Live Nude Lesbian, I get this crap all day".
"But you are, correct me if i'm wrong, a man." he said. "I mean, trust me, i'm a doctor, i know these things without even being told."
"You got me", I admitted. "It's all CGIs, Computer graphics. We even edit out the beard and my tattoos. Nine till Five my name's Tamara and i'm into sex-toys and yoghurt.

He straightened, removing, with a flourish, a set of forceps in which was clamped the slightly damp and very bedraggled form of a small blue teddy bear.

He then gave me a startled look.

"It's okay", I told him. "Hah. 'DoctorSpanky' indeed. You finally got to meet your fantasy. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone if you don't and neither will Big Melvin who plays Sadie as long as you can remove the potato peeler."