Merit Whore for the Ages®
The Everything Noder Pageant™ 2003
After another long commercial break, the contestants have returned wearing the Ballgown of their choice. The judges will be looking at their usual style and grace, but also taking a subjective outlook on the contestants' interpretation of the word "glamourous".
Yet more backstage intrigue has unfolded this round. The organiser has unceremoniously withdrawn Miss Portugal and Miss Federated States of Micronesia. There are reports of laziness and not pulling their weight, but these have been unconfirmed by Pageant™ officials.
A few of the contestants have been slow in getting ready this round, and it is with sadness that we note the deferment of Miss Democratic Republic of the Congo, Miss Suriname and Miss Norway's walkouts. We hope they will be ready before the judging finishes, or they may sadly find themselves omitted from the Judge's Interview stage.
Put your hands together ladies and gentlemen, as we welcome our glamourous girlies!
Miss Spain has risen to the "glamourous" occasion by wearing a rather Dazzling gown.
Miss DRC looked absolutely gorgeous in the Swimsuit round and we hope to see her soon.
Miss Suriname also scored highly in the Swimsuit round and hopefully will not let her little country down at the last hurdle.
Miss FSM is probably still caught up in the Yap Day festivities. Farewell, Island Girl, we'll miss you.
Miss Serbia continues to do her country proud, and this time turns out in a fine gown previously worn by Queen Marie of Romania.
Miss Ethiopia struts in in the finest garb The Bronx has to offer.
Miss Portugal was rumoured to be wearing a gown once owned by her namesake, but sadly it is late in being delivered.
Miss Norway has not been heard from since saying the odd disparaging thing about Caesar. We hope he didn't catch her and show her that is isn't such a bad General after all.
Miss Canada struts out in a suit inspired by a former head of state in her homeland.
Miss Australia continues to elevate the status of her noble land, previously considered a home to sheep shaggers and sporting brutes. Miss Australia, You're on in five minutes...
Miss Thailand struts her stuff at the head of the field, this time bringing us a creative gown imported from Canada
Miss Iraq has finally stopped moaning about the wretched fate of her countryfolk, and this time turns her attention to an African woman who has fallen spectacularly from grace. A bit like you, eh, Miss Iraq.
Our Beauties have exceeded themselves yet again. Please give them another round of applause!
The standings, after three rounds:
| Contestant | R1 | R2 | R3 | R4 | Total | Rank |
| Spain | 43.2 | 14.4 | 0.0 | | 57.6 | 12 |
| D.R.Congo | 38.4 | 43.8 | 41.1 | | 123.3 | 6 |
| Suriname | 39.0 | 42.1 | 44.8 | | 125.9 | 5 |
| Micronesia | 38.5 | 38.5 | | | 77.0 | 11 |
| Serbia | 44.8 | 31.8 | 40.8 | | 117.4 | 7 |
| Ethiopia | 42.7 | 45.1 | 42.8 | | 130.6 | 2 |
| Portugal | 44.1 | 42.6 | | | 86.7 | 9 |
| Norway | 39.9 | 42.4 | 46.2 | | 128.5 | 3 |
| Canada | 36.7 | 31.4 | 41.4 | | 109.5 | 8 |
| Turkmenist | *withdrawn * | 13 |
| Australia | 42.1 | 41.5 | 43.6 | | 127.2 | 4 |
| Thailand | 43.5 | 48.0 | 46.7 | | 138.2 | 1 |
| Iraq | 25.1 | 25.2 | 27.2 | | 77.5 | 10 |
See also: April 27, 2003 * April 3, 2003 * March 26, 2003 * March 21, 2003 * March 13, 2003 * March 3, 2003 * February 24, 2003