Merit Whore for the Ages™
The Everything Noder Pageant® 2003
Contestants are back on the catwalk for the Talent Show. The judges are awed by how truly skilled these luscious ladies are. All this and a pretty face and nice legs to boot! If there are more like these back where they came from, then I'm emigrating.
More Pageant back-stage intrigue... Miss Turkmenistan stole in during the quiet hours and cleared out her room, not even her roommate, Miss Norway heard a thing. There has still been no sight of Judge E and it could be that things are not well between him and Miss Turkmenistan. A new Judge E has been recruited, and the judges collectively have been warned against further fraternising with the ladies.
There were a few jitters with other contestants, with one or two tearful eyes, but the group-hug seems to have worked and things are all on track for a spectacular finalé.
Put your hands together ladies and gentlemen, as we welcome our ladies and marvel at their mastery!
Miss Spain fancies herself as a stand-up comic. Now Mexican comedy were're well versed with, but the Spanish variant... well... see for yourself. A round of applause for Miss Spain!
Miss DRC walks us through a mid-western community where something... strange is seeping into the gutters. Deity, or devilry? You decide.
Miss Suriname takes us back in time to the age of leisure, pleasure and the importance of art. Join her in the studio as she puts on an accent and poses for a struggling artist.
Miss FSM takes us into the realm of science fiction, where a hero is judged by how he dies. She will make you laugh, she may make you cry, but she will definitely make you pull out your Star Wars collection.
It has been a tough two weeks for Miss Serbia, who had to head home briefly to attend her Prime Minister's funeral. But the show must go on, so quiet please while she touches us with a haunting dirge.
Miss Ethiopia takes us on a tour of a small Minnesota town, giving us the low-down on all its inhabitants. Listen closely, folks, she's not just a great gossip, she's got an eye for a good scoop.
Miss Portugal, it appears, is wont to shirk the affections of her countrymen in favour of those of the Scots. While I do see her point, I am glad to see that she has put her career ahead of domesticity, even if it did break her heart. Buck up, Miss P, that's the spirit. (Pass me a Kleenex, would you?)
Miss Norway has recovered well after bunking out a fortnight ago and getting horribly drunk on Vodka smuggled in by her supporters. She tells her tale here, going Beyond Fortitude.
Miss Canada shows us her DJing skill and compiles for us a narrated soundtrack to an Ordinary Day. There's nothing ordinary about the compilation however. Go and have a listen.
Miss Australia takes in the harshness of life in her own country and shows it to us here, in all its beauty. There is something haunting, and universal, about our Amy's story.
Miss Thailand has dug deep and exposed herself down to her very core. She has climbed onto the couch, looked into the darkness of her past, and learned a few lessons that she has been brave enough to share. Miss T, thank you, we are blessed.
Miss Iraq, Miss Iraq, Miss Iraq! Yes, yes, we sympathise, we know your country is at war. But do you have to be so damn melodramatic?
I'm sure you agree, Ladies and Gentlemen, that our Beauties have exceeded themselves yet again. Please give them another round of applause!