SHAS IN THE CURRENT ELECTION CAMPAIGN

On Tuesday, the much harried citizens of Israel will go the polls, and most possibly knock a few seats out of [Shas] for the benefit of [Shinui] a radically secular, centrist-on-peace new Israeli party run by anti-charismatic professor [Tommy Lapid] and a bunch of unknowns. (The Israeli papers are referring to the party as "Tommy and the drwarves"). In the runup to the election Shas, described quite competently above, has been running the strangest series of election ads probably yet seen in a democracy, and a short description of them is probably in order.

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(The ad begins: a group of old Jews, coverred in [talis] are praying in a small local synagogue. Suddenly, the sound of ram horns. The camera shifts to the [wailing wall] where pigeons fly up over the yellow brick of the remains of the second temple. The camera shifts again to show Rabbi [Obadya Yosef] himself.)

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The rabbi is dressed in a silken outfit with embroidered patterns, a Turban (since when do Jews wear Turbans?) and a pair of amber-tinted Armani sunglasses. He begins to speak. "Our enemies have a plan to destroy our nation! They're bringing in Non-Jews! And those Non-Jews build churches! And then the bring in pigs! And they eat the pigs! And this is what they intend to keep doing, building more churches and bringing more pigs!" (Background: [Pentecostal] churches baptizing Jews in the [Kineret]. Pigs being led to the slaughterhouse in the [Holy Land of Israel]. More churches, then more pigs.)

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A young charismatic Jew, more clean shaven and dynamic looking than the others (he's the head of the party, but drat, I've forgotten his name) then dominates the screen. "[Rabotai]!" he says (Rabotai is an untranslatable Jewish word meaning O ye assembled, but also implies loving brotherhood, and dates, as you would expect such a word do date, back to a more pure, loving time - the [Babylonian exile]. "Everyone is promising you a Palestinian country, both the parties on the right, both the parties of the left! But only Shas is promising you a JEWISH country! My brothers and Rabotai, in ten years the [Palestinians] will be the numerical majority on the West of the [Jordan]! Only by unity will we remain strong! Vote for Shas and we'll ensure a Jewish nation!"

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(Lord how I wish I were making this part up) The screen now shifts to a big rally in a football stadium. Thousands? Multiudes? Of realatively well dressed Jews from the Arab Nations gather to sing - a [Ricky Martin] song. Only the words have been changed: "Brothers come and vote for Shas! Imagine in your minds that through your efforts you wake up one morning and Shas is victorious! Shas is victorious! Come on everyone! It's time to vote for Shas! Wake up everyone, support the party: Shas! And then tomorrow Imagine that Shas is victorious....shas is victorious! (and finally, as the screen shows more and more people praying and singing like in a Baptist revival church, until the crowds are filled with tens of thousands of their supporters, the music crescendoes, until there is only one image! The new young leader of the party next to the old Senile rabbi in front of a Sefer Torah as a voice half shouts, half expirates "SHAS!". (Music descends. The ad is over.)

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I am proud to say that as this campaign has become more and more rabid, Shas has been losing in the polls to a variety of parties, but mainly it's exact opposite the Secular Shinui, whose ads consists of a cute little blue block with hands and feet forcing it's way into the graph showing the government coalition, after which Professor Lapid treats us to a two minute Perot-style speech in a horrible nasal voice. Ah, politics!.

Shas (thing)