How do you make a
violist play a passage "
pianissimo tremolando"?
Mark it "
solo".
What is a burning violin good for?
Setting a viola on fire.
How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
They never hit the same place twice.
What's the definition of a minor 2nd?
Two violists playing in unison.
What's the difference between first and second viola?
A. About half a bar.
B. About half a tone.
How are the Beatles like the viola section of a symphony?
They haven't played together since the seventies.
Why are violist's ears sought after for transplants?
They've never been used.
Why shouldn't Violists take up mountain climbing?
If they get lost, no one will notice and come looking for them.
What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a viola?
A vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in before it sucks.
What's the difference between a Viola and a TV dinner?
The viola doesn't fit in a microwave oven. (Unless you break the neck off)
What's the difference between a Viola and a lawnmower?
The neighbors get pissed if you don't return their lawnmower.
What's the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?
A. In the "Texas Viola Massacre", the killer was wearing a tuxedo.
B. After you put gasoline in the chainsaw, people don't throw lit matches at you.
C. The viola is sharper.
D. The person holding the chainsaw can probably read music.
E. It's easier to improvise with a chainsaw.
F. You can't fake cutting down a tree.
What's the difference between a dead viola player lying in the road and a dead accordion player lying in the road?
A. The accordion player was probably going to a gig.
B. A crowd of sympathetic people trying to put the accordion back together.
What's the difference between alto clef and classic Greek manuscripts?
Some viola players can actually read Greek.