A twisted situation

By Joe Baldwin

Characters: Son, about 18/19ish, freshfaced; husband, embittered, you can tell from his face he's a Daily Mail reading Alf Garnett type; Wife, who seems very apologetic, and very disapproving of her husband.


Husband is sitting in an armchair smoking a pipe and reading a copy of the Daily Mail. Wife is sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Typical 1970s/80s decor, very kitsch. Son enters.

S: Father, mother, I have something I'd like to tell you.
W: Why, what is it dear? Is it important?
S: Well, I guess so. After a little bit of soul searching, and after I've spent time mullin...
H: (interrupting) Spit it out boy!
S: OK, father. After a bit of soul searching, I've decided to come out to you. Father, mother...I'm a trainspotter.

Husband has a look on his face like he's going to murder someone.

H: A trainspotter?! M-m-m-mmmy son? A TRAINSPOTTER?
S: Yes. A trainspotter.
W: (Oblivious to any problems her husband may have with this arrangement) Good for you, dear!
H: B-b-b-but what about all the car rallies I took you to? And the go karting!? Didn't you really enjoy it all...was it all just a lie!?
S: I grew out of it in the end father...
H: (interrupting and furious) I DON'T BELIEVE IT! GET OUT! GET OUT THIS INSTANT!


S:I knew you wouldn't approve...and it's what I really want father...and YOU'RE NOT GOING TO STOP ME! (runs out and slams door)


H: (weary) Bah! That boy! Always has to be contrary! Why can't he just be queer like the rest of 'em!