I am so goddam old. I don't know how that happened, but it did. Sensei once /msg'ed me that stuff changes so much that the only stuff is change. Yesterday I was seven years old. Today I'm forty-eight. Whaaaaaat? Oh well. Shit happens. So now I am taking estrogen pills because my biochemistry is flopping like a hooked fish on a dock. Menopause. The pause that refreshes. The problem is that estrogen doesn't still the flopping and put the fish into calm. It just makes the flopping happen in a different rhythm. Hopefully one that will eventually be consistent. Like a mambo maybe. But right now, well.... Emotions burl up like nettles in the socks of my mind. Thoughts come and go of paranoia, depression, elation, hopelessness, and giddy nonsense. Wheeeee! Ack! My point? I'm not sure. I don't know why I'm noding this. Except it's true of what I am experiencing right now and I think it has to do with this:

What kind of biochemical soup are thoughts and feelings boiling up from? I don't take this stuff too seriously. I hope you don't either. The soup is sometimes like this, or like that, based on whatever chemical ingredients are arranged like this or that. As an old lady, getting older (tomorrow I'll probably be seventy-three or something), here's a lecture you don't want to hear.

You're eighteen and in love? Okay. But wait a minute before you do this or say that. You're all hopped up on Mountain Dew and coffee and you are going to tell your friend just how little you give a shit about their problems? Wait just a minute. You haven't eaten since you've gotten out of bed and you're driving home from work and some bastard cut you off in traffic and you've given up on going home and are trailing their car in a strange neighbourhood? Um. Pull over. (I did this once when I was pregnant and all hopped up on baby chemicals.)

So stir the soup, let it settle. Serve it with care.