(Originally noded on October 18, 2000)
(Scene: a deserted crossroads somewhere in New England. The Fabulous PoopJet pulls up to the intersection and stops.)
Olivia: We're
lost.
Jack: Shut up. We're not
lost.
Olivia: We're
so lost.
Phillip: Why did I let you guys talk me into coming along? Patrick was gonna take some
potshots at
Mir. Todd was gonna drop
acid and try to
out-fez thefez. Edward was gonna explore those ruins on the
Dark Side of the Moon. Why was it necessary for me to come along while Jack wandered around
New England?
Jack: I'm not
lost.
Oscar: We were out of
food, Phil. And you know
Mother Hubbard when the
cupboard's bare...
Olivia: You call me that again and I'll rip your
throat out, Oscar.
Oscar: Mother Hubbard,
Mother Hubbard,
Mother Hubbard,
Mother OWWW!
Jack: Not in the
car! NOT IN THE
CAR!
Olivia: I! Told! You! Not! To! Call! Me! That!
Oscar: Cut it out! Cut it the hell out!
Jack: NOT IN THE GODDAMN CAR!
Phillip: Okay, so I was wondering, as long as we're stopped, can I open the
grocery bags? All this driving is making me
hungry.
Jack: NOT IN THE GODDAMN CAR!!!
Olivia: Alright, alright, I'm finished.
Oscar: Th-That was my favorite
testicle!
Olivia: And you're not getting it back 'til you say you're
sorry.
Phillip: Anyone for
Nutter Butters?
Jack: Yeah, lemme have a couple. This
is New Hampshire, isn't it? That
pizza place has to be around here somewhere.
Phillip: The pizza place is in
Massachusetts. The
burger joint is in
New Hampshire.
Jack: Well, it should be around here somewhere.
Olivia: Hey, who's that guy?
(A fancy black limousine pulls up next to the PoopJet. The back window of the limousine rolls down)
Phillip: Dude wants to talk. Roll down your window and be
neighborly, Jack.
(Jack rolls down the window on the PoopJet)
Jack: Yes?
Upper-Class Twit: Pahdon me, but would you happen to have any
Jet-Poupon?
Jack: What?
Twit: Would you happen to have any
Jet-Poupon?
Jack: Can y'all tell what he's asking for?
Olivia: I think it's
French for
cabbage or
carrots or
wine or something.
Oscar: He said give me back my
nut.
Olivia: Not 'til you say sorry.
Oscar: No.
Olivia: I swear, Oscar, I'll
munch this little thing down like a fucking
apple.
Phillip: Ewww.
Jack: Ollie dear, give him his
ball back.
Phillip: Hey, Jack, I think that guy's asking for
mustard. See if he wants this.
Jack: Okay. Hey, man, we got
mustard. Ya want
mustard?
Twit: Mustahd? No, no,
Jet-Poupon.
Jack: No, it's
mustard! Mus-Tard! Mus -- Listen. We! Don't! Speak! Your
language! We're!
A-Mer-I-Cans! We! Have!
Mustard! Mus! Tard! Help me out, guys.
All: MUSTARD! MUS! TARD!
Twit: Hmph! Wall, I nevah!
(The limousine drives off)
Jack: Jeez. What a
freak. People are
weird in the east.
Oscar: Damn
Frenchmen.