So I changed my Quake 3 config, from my old J, M, N, comma form (I'm sinister, see?) to a new, improved U, J, H, K.

UJHK has a lot of advantages: like the classic WASD you have keys all around to bind to useful things. The most useful thing about it is that I now have at least 8 keys easily accessible by my little finger.

So what's the problem? Well, I began to find that during a hectic battle I would often get killed while attempting to change weapons. Further examination showed that it was because I sometimes couldn't select the railgun. Indeed, I couldn't select the railgun when running diagonally forward and left.

For historical reasons, I had bound "I" to railgun. Apparently, my quality Gateway 2000 keyboard is not a Gaming Keyboard, and you cannot press H, U and I simultaneously.

Well, thinks I, they make Gaming Mice, like the Razer Boomslang or that Logitech one which is no more, they must surely make a Gaming Keyboard. So I start small: I check Dabs; then I go big and search Everything and Google. But no, no one makes a gaming, gamers, gamer's, gamers', game-playing or player-of-game's keyboard.

But maybe even if I ever found a Gaming Keyboard, it would actually be some shoddy kit that someone has badged as such to ensnare naive punters like me. Maybe I should do some research and search for the features I want. Tom, some time ago, recommended some keyboards (by companies who appear to have all gone tits up) but made no mention of the maximum number of simultaneously pressed keys. I checked all the keyboard manufacturers I could find, searching their spec sheets for that magic item, "Maximum simultaneously pressed keys" or some variant thereof, but although I found the exact weight of their keyboards (who needs to know the weight of their keyboard, ffs?) or the exact force your fingers will feel as they depress the keys, they never mention that magic number.

I wish I'd tried I, J, K, L instead, but that would give me only six pinky-enabled keys.