Here I am, day one as a freshman in college. I just finished moving into my dorm. It is now 11:25 at night, and my roommate, who has been out for six hours now, is still out, meeting people. I feel antisocial and ill at ease and mainly just sad. Now that I'm going to school in Washington D.C. I miss my home, Colorado, in a strangely powerful way. Washington is nice-- it's even somewhere that I always thought I would like to live for a few years-- but now that I'm here all I can think about is Colorado. I got lost today and almost cried because the Rocky Mountains weren't there, always on my west, to guide my way. I miss the open plains, loathe these damn trees that don't allow you to see farther than the side of the road.

I miss my friends, and my family, something I never thought I would say. Today my mother kept rummaging around in my room, trying to organize things her way, and I guess that I made it clear that I wanted her and my father to leave, even though they had been nothing but helpful. I feel terrible now that they've gone. If it weren't so late I would call them up, say that I was sorry, and beg to go home. Funny how this silly rationale keeps me here. And my friends... they're all going to split up soon enough but I was the first to leave, and they're all at home now. I wonder if they're missing me the way that I'm missing them.

A few minutes earlier, I went wandering the halls in search of sustenance so I could take some cough medication. I guess that this might contribute to my problems-- I'm sort of sick, and on the airplane here my ears plugged up and still haven't sorted themselves out. I can't hear anything very well, and my ears hurt. Anyway, so I wandered downstairs to get some things from the vending machine, and the one thing I wanted was sold out, as were my next two choices. Fuck the world, I thought darkly, and stalked out. Then my boyfriend, my lover, the person I miss more than anything else in this world, called me. The phone kept breaking up. His wonderful, comforting voice kept disappearing.

So here I am, in the middle of everything, desperately lost. I hope things get better. Maybe when this welcome week is over and classes start.