Craigslist posting:

$650 - You'd have to be NUTS, but it's worth a shot (Gramercy Park)

Date: 2004-09-01, 1:49AM EDT

The lease says it's a one bedroom. It's not. It's really a divided studio - one long room with a half wall. One room's mine. The other could be yours if you've got the stomach.

Just so you know what you'd be getting yourself into: it's an amazingly cramped space. Privacy is non-existent (barring the bathroom - yes, it has a door. And a lock!) We'd be in each other's company pretty much 24 hours a day. If you want to be alone at all, you'd better get used to reading by flashlight in the tub (the faucet of which drips). We could hang a curtain or something, but...then you'd be living in a cave - the windows are in the other room.

If you own ANYTHING apart from clothes and such, you're simply not gonna have room. I got dibs on the closet. Maybe. I'll fight ya for it.

Oh, and I work the night shift, generally getting home around 1am and not even thinking about sleep until sunrise. The music almost never stops. Luckily, the walls are solid rock. Unluckily, that'd help you not one bit. Quiet simply doesn't exist here, at least when I'm around (which is quite a lot).

Neat freaks (or neat people in general, or, really, anyone who distinguishes between a soda bottle and an ashtray) are not encouraged to apply.

Speaking of ashtrays...I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish, generally simultaneously, and no, I don't go outside every time I need a cig.

Did I mention the cats? Guess not. There are two of 'em, both extremely friendly and cute, but still.

The only reason my former roomate and I could pull this off is because we were practically identical except that she was, um, a girl (sort of). But she had the gall to fall in love and move to Texas. Bastard.

- - -

Ok, so there are some advantages. It's in a wonderful neighborhood in a gorgeous building with easy access to everything - laundry across the street, 24-hour delis, a pharmacy on the corner, super easy access to the 6 train and more Irish pubs than it'd be wise to shake a stick at. Lots of good people (generally dropping by at 3am with forties and merriment) and all that. There's even an art deco fountain across the way, tends to lower the temperature on the block a few degrees from normal and you'd never notice it unless you were looking for it.

Cost is half of everything, which amounts to half the rent ($650 a month each) half the electricity and half the net access. Everything else is included - water, heat and dry wit all free. No pets, please - believe me, I've got enough. Bring a dog in here and it'd probably get eaten by the cats, collar and all.

Move in date's October first, or earlier if you'd like. It's either I find a best friend extremely fast (like, yesterday) or I move to...somewhere else. And I really like this place.

So. Any offers?

Map: 26th st. and 2nd avenue
this is in or around Gramercy Park
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Yes, I actually posted this. T'will be interesting to see what kind of responses I get, if any.
Oh, and noding this was HER idea. Shoot all insults her way. I'm sure I'll hear about 'em anyway.