*Steps up to podium, clears throat and loosens tie.

"Um. Hi. You don't know me, really, or maybe you do. Many of you do, now that I think about it, either through messages here, or the occasional note from Cool Man Eddie or, less frequently, Klaproth. Mix the bitter with the better, the best friend with the scary dude with the whacking stick. An ongodly number of you have met me in person, and if I did anything...er...embarassing, I apologize. Exuberance is contagious but bad for the judgment, so.

"My name's Jack, and I'm an editor here. Lord Brawl recently asked us to think about what we, you know, do here, and while I could answer that question in two sentences to him, I figured I might as well let the rest of you in on this two. Above everything else, you should know that that I'm not out to whack you with a stick or nothin', and that I'm here if you need me.

"I'm trying to think of ways to expand on that, but it isn't coming easy. It's so fucking hard to pin down what we all do here and, apart from writing, hanging out (in person or not) and trying not to drive each other insane, I'm really not sure. I don't have an editorial philosophy - if a node needs work, I'll talk to the author and if it's incomplete, awful, unlinked or what-have-you, I may bring out the whacking stick. I also tend to avoid the politiking that goes on in the wings and, for the most part, I keep to myself.

"Nevertheless: here's an encapsulation.

"When I'm not buried under the mountain of insanity that is New York City retail 'round Christmas, when I'm actually here, I try to be visible, first and foremost. I don't cloak myself, figuring that I can't help people if they don't know I'm here. I spend my time going through the new stuff, messaging our newer members and keeping a close eye on the older, more established noders who I know will pump out something entertaining. Recently, I've discovered I've been fingering the C! button more than the Nuke button, and it feels like there's been quite a lot of new stuff that has at least grabbed my attention. That's a good thing.

"I don't catbox, really; while it would indeed go a long way to getting myself out there amongst my friends and family, I can't quite come to grips with it. Can't put my finger on why, but that mode of communication has never been easy for me. Could be why I've always had trouble writing dialogue. Hmm. Never thought about it that way.

"I'm a big fan of Apatrix's side project and have been spending some quality time over there as well. That interface, I'm good with.

"When it comes to editorial duties, I spend most of my time fixing the little things on the older stuff, typos and html problems on nodes long out of the public spotlight. I tweak, really, adding paragraph tags and fixing typos and generally sweeping up. I also seem to be the night watchman, online from midnight to 4am EST. It's a good shift to mind the store, though the buzzing of the florescents gets on one's nerves after awhile.

"More than any of that stuff, I help people relax and be happy here.

"Welcome aboard HMS Everything; I'll be your cruise director for this particular voyage, got the little paper umbrellas for your drinks and everything. Buzz me if you need.