ok, um. Wow. This is embarrassing. And I'm gonna fucking kill him.
I was up at 4am when I heard the iron gate at my apartment building's front door creak open and slam shut. I had just finished cleaning the living room (Well? When do YOU clean?) and was watching some South Park. The noise was confusing and not entirely welcome.
Fifteen minutes later (I live on the third floor, so the delay was also confusing) after much bumping and sliding, I hear a key scraping against the lock, trying desperately to find its way in. It succeeds, eventually, but it becomes apparent that they've either got the wrong key or got the wrong door.
Oh. Then I got it.
I pop up and spring the locks and one of my roommates stumbles in,
drunk as a skunk. I hadn't been on the other side of that particular table in a number of years, lemme tell ya. He sits on the coffee table, bleary and talking in that familiar way only the drunk can, about bars and bartenders and stupid things done. I get him to bed, eventually, and, crisis averted, grab my
laptop and head to the bathroom to, um, think.
As I'm in there, there's some more bumping and whatnot, and my roommate, I guess trying to be helpful, kills the bathroom light (the switch for which is outside the door,) and before I can say anything I hear his bedroom door slam.
So I'm sitting on the can in the dark, illuminated only by my laptop screen. Ok. No problem, I was done thinking anyway. I stand up and open the bathroom door.
That is, I try to open the bathroom door. My roommate's helpfulness apparently extended to him locking me in from the outside. Why our bathroom locks from the outside in the first place, I have no idea; it was probably implemented by the same genius who puts light switches outside of rooms.
So I'm locked in the bathroom in a t-shirt and a pair of boxers with nothing on me but a laptop with a drunk passed out ten feet away that I don't really want to wake up even if I could
Thank god for Wifi.
Um. So. If anybody from the nynvb is awake and feels like swinging by Bed Stuy before work tomorrow, I'd love to hear from you. Might need a little help here.
I'm gonna go pass out in the tub.
I popped the lock with a disassembled razor blade, so no worries.
But I'm still gonna fucking kill him.