Actually waking up happened Thursday afternoon at about noon, because I was over at a friend's house all night, having a mini-LAN party and burning school notes and hated papers. The school demon, however, was not to be banished so easily. Just as the past few years and blocks of months passed marked by deficiency reports and significantly dismal report cards, the news arrived today that I have to attend summer school, for one course, and move another in the next school year, my Senior year in High School.

I don't understand my deficient grades. Rather, I don't understand my own laziness. My deficient grades are in direct relation to said laziness. I have been diagnosed with ADD, put on two different forms of Ritalin, and been through 1 summer school course and retaken a course during the year. I don't suck as bad as a real delinquent, yet my grandparents (who are footing the bill) and my parents (who are very cool, yet confusing) are at an almost complete loss as to what the hell my problem is.

I want to be an audio engineer for a band, or a movie audio editor of some sort. Being in a private, parochial High School, especially one where the media club excersises an almost Orwellian chain of command in which we, the officers, are trusted with our own room as much as a lion might be trusted herding sheep, is not very motivating. I am most definitely a nerd, and I carry a laptop that I take notes on, which all too often becomes a target for the spitwads and gumwads that the idiots (spoiled brats whose parents had to send them to "the best" high school in the area) like to fling while a teacher is talking.

It's also not very cool to have a religion class that conflicts with your own beliefs, especially when you're almost the only one in the class that holds those beliefs. Talking about euthanasia, abortion, capital punishment, video game violence, and other controversial topics almost makes it the class vs. me, and most times the teacher as well.

I almost wish that I could take a more spread out schedule, having certain classes only on certain days, and breaks in between. Having 7 period days with 40 minutes for lunch (including standing in a gargantuan line if the lunch is popular) is not a very relaxing way of gaining one's important education. For the most part, however, I pay attention, when I get home, however, and slip back into my own world, inside my computer, on E2, and within the vast far-reaching depths of the internet, I forget completely about the doldrums and bullshit that school brings, and allow myself to become completely unaware of a 50 point essay that needs to be printed, or a math assignment that is due 6th period tomorrow. I find so many peers from my computer that the world of school seems so chaotic and unwelcoming that I just shut it out. This is so hard to explain to my parents, it isn't logical, it isn't a good explanation, but I don't know how else to explain my shitty grades.

Fuck it, it's almost 11:00, and I'm nodding off. This, my first Daylog, has gotten about 3 paragraphs longer than I'd planned it. I just am glad summer's here, and that my friends and I are starting a movie soon, that if I play my cards right in, I may just be able to create a name for myself.

Here's to the night. Tomorrow is coming too soon.