I’ve got a problem a lot of you might someday have. It’s a fundamental problem having to do with two basic constructs of societal relationships: being polite and being heard.

How can I communicate the varying degrees of “goodbye”? There is no middle ground. There’s the archetypical “bye”, “goodbye”; there is “later” and millions of variants thereof including the l33t “l8r”; there are even phrases borrowed from different languages like Au revoir and Adiós. There are a million ways to say ‘goodbye’ in a civil and polite way.

But what do you say when you really want to say: just leave, you vile fucktard! but nicely?

Further, why must people have five-minute-long goodbye sessions on the computer? Shouldn’t one ‘goodbye’ suffice? Taken from an actual conversation I had four minutes ago:

Names changed to protect the guilty.

Intellectual_Badass: Goodbye.

Her: Bye!

Intellectual_Badass: Night.

Her: Goodnight!

Her: I’m going to go now!

Intellectual_Badass: Yep.

Her: Because I’m tired.

Her: Au Revoir.

Intellectual_Badass: Goodbye

Her: Bye!

It’s a vicious circle.