Driving in Germany is not all high-speed fun and games. It is hard work. So remember kids:

  1. Never make the assumption that in a German city you can simply go around the block, for the block does not exist.
  2. Don't be surprised by intersections that have 20 lanes of traffic converging together.
  3. Speed limit? What speed limit? (Actually, there are speed limits in Germany, but traffic is usually so bad that if you get above 40 km per hour within city limits, you should do a happy dance. Of course, the Autobahn is a different story all together.)
  4. If you must change lanes, do it early and quickly.
  5. While in traffic, come up with simple games to amuse yourself and your passengers, such as "What Are The Chances the Driver in the Car Behind Me Will Pick Their Nose?" (Germans seem to have an odd fondness of nose picking. Go figure.)
  6. Driving a minivan is not cool, no matter what country you are in.
  7. Practice "Good Karma Driving." For example, if you let someone in, later on that day someone will be willing to let you in as well.
  8. Above all, DON'T EVER PANIC. Panicking is bad. Even if your windshield wipers suddenly become inter-twined while driving in pouring rain through rush hour traffic, don't panic. Even if your front seat passenger has to climb out the window and reach around the front of the vehicle to get them untangled, don't panic. Even if after untangling them they become intertwined again, don't panic. Even if after your passenger climbs out the window to fix them a second time and then one of the blades ends up pointing perpendicular to the rest of the vehicle, don't panic. Even if you take the vehicle to get fixed, and then call at the end of the day to see if they are finished, and the mechanics claim to know nothing about your particular vehicle, don't panic. Panicking is bad. Very, Very bad.