"You're watching 'Best Week Ever!'"

  • "...It's everything you love, everything you missed, and everything you just have to see again!"
  • "...It's last week, with a delicious candy coating!"
  • "...It's how baby seals would get their news!"
  • "...Damn, that's hot!"

The minute the blaring music kicks in over the montage of logos, you know you're in for something special.

"Best Week Ever" is the final frontierVH1's monument to our ADD-afflicted, sarcastic, disposable society. It's a delicious, hypnotic piece of ephemera. This is the kind of show that will have Ashlee Simpson on one week, and a few weeks later devote an entire segment to mocking her lip-synch debacle. This is the kind of show that will build a segment on a boy's remark that Michael Jackson's penis resembles a "barber's pole" and do mock-serious "Black History Month" segments devoted to trivial accomplishments ("I believe it was two minutes ago that I said, and I quote, 'Pat O'Brien is on the list? Oh my God.'")

It all began with the "I Love the..." series. That series was all about B-List celebrities (Think the Solae protein/Netzero/Annoying Cell Phone guy, or the fat girl from "Living Single") and comedians cracking jokes about the trends of yesteryear. They did the seventies. Hell, they did the eighties and nineties twice! Where to get new material? Well hell, let's use last week!

"What? Are you telling me this is a show where demi-celebrities make jokes about bigger celebrities? A 'nostalgia' show devoted to things that happened last fucking week?"

Well yes. There's no reason to get profane about it. It sounds like a stupid idea to me, too, but that's why you and I are not VH1 top execs. This show is pretty effing funny whether you follow pop culture or not. Watch it once and you'll be hooked to the exposition-followed-by-a-number-of-snarky-soundbites format. It is especially enjoyable because neither the show nor its cast takes itself seriously. This is what Entertainment Weekly would be if it recognized the real joke is itself. It's the only show I bother catching every week—only "Sábado Gigante" can come close in terms of my loyalty.


"News:" Always leads the show. Five news items of varying significance. Sarcastic analyses given. Ain't exactly CNN Headline News. They seem to choose the stories based on mockability. "So Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez did a duette in Spanish at the Grammies. All I can say is, Telemundon't."

Sketch Comedy: Kind of like "Saturday Night Live" would be, if it were funny. For example, an excerpt from a mock-sexual harassment tape:

Narrator: Can you spot the appropriate behavior?

Male doctor: You know, you should really wash your hands before the operation.
Female doctor: Oh, you're right.

Narrator: Or...

Male doctor: You know, you should really wash your hands before the operation.
Female doctor: God, you're sexy when you're right. I need 10 ccs of you boning me at once.

Sizzler: Gossip about celebrities, naturally with snarky comments.

Five Good Reasons: Panel members make sixty seconds' worth of guesses as to good reasons to do something timely (Usually see the latest awful movie) and the host accepts or rejects the submissions, leading to a last-minute final tally of five.

Upgrade/Downgrade: A subject is chosen (e.g., pop culture college courses, Thanksgiving leftovers) and various items in that category are considered. In the end, a verdict is rendered. Either the item is good—upgrade!—or bad—downgrade!

In Case You Missed It: "While you were out (taking part in timely activity), we were collecting the week's best TV clips, in case you missed it!" Naturally, these TV clips are not spared the mockery of the cast either.

What Your Purchases Say About You: "You know, there's a lot of debate about whether it's nature or nurture that makes you who you are... But here at 'Best Week Ever,' we know it's really your purchases! Here's what your purchases say about you."

"...Is having the best week ever:" A person, group, or entity (e.g., "Some guys," God, Danica McKellar) who has had an especially fortuitous week is recognized. Always ends the show, roll credits, cut to whatever terrible crap VH1 is bookending the show with this week.

This is also a good way of being up on pop culture without keeping up. That island is full of secrets!